Recession and me

OK Ladies and Gentlemen.. lets face it... we are in a global recession...
No matter how happy world leaders, bank CEOs and CNBC anchors may sound... the fact of the matter is this...

For a soap seller like me, sitting in one corner of the world.. all this is a lot of mumbo jumbo... I hear words like subprime crisis, overvaluation, credit crunch, oil price, Bush, BPOs, credit spreads, Bush again and a lot of words and people who dont make a lot of sense every day.. I am not an economist (although i did learn a few courses in MBA, and barely managed to pass) and I shall not pretend to be one.. So i know absolutely nothing of what happened, how it started and most importantly why.. I am guessing no one till know has figured out the why part, else we would be laughing our way out of it by now.. anyways I shall leave the global macroeconomic complexities to the finance ministers and economists of the world.. and try to describe what has changed over the past couple of months around me... Also some tips on how to manage the recession.

The J Word: The days when my batchmates used to jump jobs like independant MPs jump sides in the Lok Sabha is long over.. Everyone seems to be clinging to their jobs for dear life, no matter how crappy it may be. Some of my observations have been:
a. LinkedIn invites have now started beating my Facebook friend requests. Batchmates, juniors, seniors or even the guy on the street from whom I had asked the way to Palayam market 2 years back have been furiously adding me on Linked In. For what joy, I dont know.. but anyways it feels good to have the false sense of security that there are so many friends
b. Sharp increase in number of office parties - Go to any pub in recent times and you can see a sudden spike in number of people in formals trying their level best to have a fun time. In between all the chaos is a fixed pattern - the summer intern chats up with the new hire.. the new hire chats up with the 1 year old.. the 1 year old chats up with the senior manager.. so on and so forth... Boringness of the conversations increase exponentially as one moves up the food chain.. however reasons for the parties are either that people dont have much to do these days (they have been told not to touch anything.. just like mom used to tell us when we were kids) or they just need to solidify their relationship with the superior to ensure that they are not kicked out ...
c. Overall "busy-ness" increases on office floors - Walk around office floors these days and notice how you can see a significant increase in "busy-ness" levels. Now the term is quite subjective and can be explained only by examples like... people walking up and down the hallway shouting on the phones and looking very hassled, people refusing to go out for lunch and taking back food packets to eat while "working" (while in actuality they might be sending out LinkedIn invites)... people coming early in the morning and shouting across the floor that they need a cup of coffee, because the day has been very stressful.. the basic intent is to create an impression that they are the most integral part of the business and any idea of letting them go would be tantamount to Karan Johar coming on public TV and claiming that he is gay...

Blame it on Bush: I dont know if this is part of the recession fever or has been a consistent trend over the past few years, but the trend recently is... if you cant find a reason, blame it on Bush...
If price of oil goes up, its Bush's fault.. if a hurricane hits the US soil, its Bush's fault... If Britney decides to shave her head, its Bush's fault...If RGV's next movie also flops, its Bush's fault... If there is a power cut in Kattapana in Idukki district in Kerala state then also its Bush's fault..

Come on, give the guy a break.. We all know that he is dumb and all that, but he isnt smart enough to create so much trouble even if he wanted to... I really sympathize with Papa Bush who would have told his wife long back... "Are Sunte ho.. ek din mera beta mere jaise world famous hoga... aur woh $#&*^# Saddam se badla lega"

Cut Costs at all cost: Everyone everywhere is cutting cost... Car companies have started putting tyres as part of "optional accessories"... If you go to a five star hotel, you have to pay for toilet paper.. Soaps and shampoos have become so small, its almost like u imagine as if you are taking a bath with them and ul get the happiness.. Minisha Lamba saved lots of cost on clothing in the movie Kidnap.. Terrorists making bombs that dont blow due to cheap explosives... cost saving is the buzz word for the day...

Bank CEOs on TV with 24 watt smiles that can beat McCain or Obama any day: There is a new way to save your investments my friends.. There has been a sudden demand increase in digging tools, metal boxes, flag posts and dogs.... (In fact a few banks have started a service wing which gives the entire package at a substantial discount.. water proof bags for the notes come for free). Dig a hole and bury the money... get a couple of dogs to guard it and ul be ok for a lifetime.. Its gonna take

No one cares about Osama anymore: What ever happened to that guy? Even if he would make a half page ad on the NYT mentioning that "Hey guys, this is where you can find me" I dont think anyone would even notice... Osama is passe, he could easily buy a good mansion in Beverly Hills (its quite cheap due to ... err.. the subprime crisis i think...) and live there comfortably for the rest of his life...

Never mention the R word: Most importantly, no one ever mentions the R word or the P word (psst.. it means Panic) Its like mentioning in public that you are an atheist or that Ganguly should have been made the captain for the Australia series... It is never to be mentioned .. and if u do, u will be met with blank stares, glares and looks as if you have lost it....

So what do we do about all this thats happening around? The bright ones can try to intellectualize, make coffee table conversation to prove that you are a nerd or cry about it... Id rather just laugh about the whole thing...

Anyways having said that, its Sunday night.. I have to sleep early and get to office before my boss does... It part of the "busy-ness" image building plan u see....