The Road Not Taken...

What a year it has been...
The recession hit us, MJ passed away, H1N1 became the biggest issue, A black man became president, the congress won the election, someone won the IPL, India lost the championship that mattered, Sania kept losing, Saina kept winning and Steffi came back to tennis for one last time...

It was for most parts a grim year. A year where people didnt know what lay ahead of them for the next day, where their money went, how the future would pan out. It was the worst of times.

Not a great time to be turning 28 i would say. Life isnt always treating you at its best. You start noticing the first grey hair - which shatters you deep inside (yeah i noticed it in the A 320 bathroom on a flight from Bangkok to Singapore - couldnt eat or sleep for the rest of the flight. I think i stayed in the bathroom for about 30 mins hoping that its a trick that my eyes are playing on me, which worried the air crew quite a bit), you are out of place with the clubbing, partying singles crowd - mainly cuz your body starts aching after a few hours of jumping around, you have no idea who Jay Z is and what the big fuss is about, you are the only one in the club who screams out for joy when they play the mandatory "Highway to Hell" or "Summer of 69" and your sense of fashion reminds the others in the crowd of their dad.

Things are not that great on the other side either... the dark side... where people discuss prams, kindergartens, birthday parties, latest animation movies that can make their kids happy. They go to IKEA, Toys R Us and other sissy stores on Friday nigths, sleep at 9pm, unless of course if their kids or their wives cry and keep them awake all night...

So here I am, stuck bang in the middle. Two roads diverging on a yellow wood... well not that yellow in an equatorial region.. but still lets keep it that way for romaticism's sake.. I see friends moving on to the dark side.. Some reluctantly - succumbing to years of cold and calculated torture and emotional blackmail from "loved ones" and "relatives who care", others join the bandwagon with a false sense of hope - feeling deep inside that their lives will be different, it wont be like "other normal people" and yet others kicking and screaming and clawing for all they have till the last minute when they are thrown into the deep abyss.. of the dark side...

And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Well here I am, or was.. bang in the middle.. Knowing not what to do.. I could have depended on "loved ones" or people "with experience" or "God" to help me choose the right path.. it wouldve been easier - let others make decisions for you.. go with the flow.. blame ur fate, loved ones or others if things turn out badly...


Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,


But it wouldnt have made sense... I dont think i can take the easy way out.. its not me.. I wasnt born or brought up that way... It just didnt seem right...

I took the path i felt was right.. It wasnt what others thought made sense.. It wasnt the easiest for sure. It was irrational, stupid, ridiculous, over ambitious, probably not divinely ordained... but I took it anyways...

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.


So here I am, walking along the road less traveled, filled with fear, excitement, trepidation, hope, despair and anticipation for what lies ahead... I dont know if this will turn out to be the best or worst of times.. but i do know that its gonna be an make all the difference...

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

PS: As usual, IM keeping this post vague.. will mail you guys in details about the specifics later.. wish me luck! :)

Not Another Fake IPL Blog

Its 2 am in the morning on Friday night. Im not drunk, Im broke, Im not sure if Ill have a job, people say i dont hav a sense of humor and yet I am grinning from ear to ear...

No, I am not on drugs (oops.. did i say the word in Singapore?) and Im not yet another politician who has the fake smile plastered on his face while shoe missiles are being targeted all around him... I have become an IPL fan!

And why not? Everyone from Mr. Durgaprasad Singh, the tea stall owner at Patiala to Sosamma Zachariah the Gelf Aunty who just returned to Chalakudy are glued onto the TV till midnight. Nobody cares if Bollywood has come to a standstill, nobody cares if a billion people have voted, hell nobody cares about Swine Flu or Sri Lanka... the world is a better place with IPL!

Now the question is .. why do I watch it? Who do I support?

The Bongs will always root for Kolkata and crib day in and day out on how SRK has screwed up the team by not putting Dada as captain (despite his reluctance to keep batting once he crosses single digits - methinks he has figured the system out: why play if u are paid anyways?). I feel sorry for the Brand team at Sprite who wouldve thought wat an awesome Idea it wud be to buy SRK from Pepsi.

The Mumbaikars will not care about their team, as long as they trash the Delhi-ites.
Wonder why MNS is not raising an issue about Me Mumbaikar campaign for IPL - remove Jayasurya and Malinga.. they are not from Mumbai! One wonders whats more entertaining.. watching Sachin bat or Madam Ambani chant her prayers during the last overs or try to do a Priety at the dugout.

The Delhi ites wont care about how they perform, as long as they are dressed well and do the Jhattak moves.

Rajastan - well, if you have Shilpa Shetty at the stands, who cares about watching the game?

Punjab - Ah there is a love triangle happening there - Priety? Ness? Yuvraj? ah.. who cares...

Rest of them, I dont even bother mentioning.

So who do I support? There is no Kerala team. I guess the only sport which we have some hope is running (lots of experience for women have after running after their drunkard husbands), swimming (to get to the Gulf Shores) so no scope in cricket.

The only Mallu representative is Mr. "Appam" Sreesanth. The less I mention about him the better. When he gets free time from appearing in dance shows, attending parties, sending smses to random Kannadiga heroines and straightening his hair he finds time to bowl wides, mis field and giving sixes away on a platter. I guess his best role is to be the 12th man.. all he has to do is arrive during the drinks break, insult the opposition and leave...

In a way, the IPL has been good for Indian TV. After watching unbearable naatak by Saas Bahus and Politicians, this is a welcome break - especially after the recession.
IPL gets the Saas Bahus on the field; Auntys watch IPL, Soap and Powder makers blow up money on Zoo Zoos to woo the Auntys ; Auntys fall for Zoo zoos; Auntys woo Uncles to blow up money... and suddenly we dont have a recessionary economy...

And to think that the cause of the recession was just a Saas Bahu...

So at the end of the day, who benefits?

For one, Mr Lalit Modi has become a God for the Media industry and the FMCG/Mobile Service providers. He can make enough money to take UBS out of bankruptcy.

All the cricketers - right from the ones who have stepped out of the crib to the ones stepping into the grave - it doesnt matter how you perform. The money keeps pouring in.

Random Reporters, pitch specialists, grass specialists, ball specialists, wind specialists.. what not.. there is millions to make - as long as you look old, slightly respectable and can talk English - the thought of Lakshman Sivaramakrishnan (he calls himself SRK) making millions sends shivers down my spine..Why didnt my dad pass me a cricket bat instead of a pen when I was a kid?

People of South Africa - especially the "poor kids" who have been told before hand to talk about who is their favorite team and favorite player. Miss Bollywoods who have no clue where India is on the map and the "cheerleaders" who are as clueless as the reporters on the field...

Cricket Team Owners - yeah.. with all those endorsements, even KKR will make money. SRK will dance in a few more marriages, parties (last heard he even passed by Feroz Khan's funeral) to break even.

FMCG companies - They will sell their soap, they will make their money.

So who looses?

Well our dear Aunty and Uncle.. who were happy in their dear little world of Saas Bahu soaps.. and guys like me who are up till 2 am everyday to watch this thing called IPL...

For now Ill watch Swami Prachananda giving away the Man of the Match Award to Brett Lee next to a giggling Priety Zinta.....

The Cricketing Gurus would be turning in their graves...

Books books books

Ah well.. its been some time since i last came by this place. Life's been a lil stressed out recently and a kinda lost track of time..

But ya.. u reach a stage when u kinda shake urself out of all those strings attached to u.. take a deep breath, look at the world whose trying to screw u around and smile back at it... I think its way better than showing the finger.... and maybe.. just maybe it tends to smile back at u as well...

Now.. ive always been fascinated with the world of books... I remember when I was a kid (yes I was a kid in the 80s and 90s when cable TV didnt exist, He-Man and Giant Robot were the only entertainment we got during the week, unless watching rice fields on Krishi Darshan was considered to be refreshing), I found solace in books.

Im glad my folks encouraged reading for me as well. I remember Mom giving the old Russian fables with mighty dragons and beautiful princesses (waay before the Potter era) and comics - tons of comics which I used to read during my childhood. Eloor Library was my paradise and I used to loose myself amongst Famous Fives, Hardy Boys and Batman during my early school days.

I got stuck in a rut on reading in my college days and even in Cal. I guess it was like of time, effort or the feeling that the world was at ur fingertips with the internet, that kinda made me shun the idea of taking a good ol paperback, and flipping through the pages. I think I pushed books to be a provider of information or entertainment. I forgot that the most important thing that a book does, is that it stimulates thought. It lets you travel to places without even leaving the confines of your room and most importantly you can create your own world with your imagination which doesnt require motion capture technology and other snazzy effects.

I am glad I went back to reading recently. I am glad I am trying to free my mind of daily trivialities, tensions and worries. Here's my list of books which have influenced me personally, in random order of course. So if you havent even glanced through half of them, I suggest you rush to the nearest bookstore :)

1. A short history of nearly everything - Bill Bryson: A brilliant book for any high school student who is confused with all those theories and equations of Physics, CHemistry or Math. All those random equations and subject made so much sense once I read this long, but witty take on the history of science

2. The Last Temptation of Christ - Nikos Kazantzakis - A must read for anyone who knows about Christ. I dont know why this has been banned by the Vatican, but its a brilliant book which clearly shows why we should respect Jesus, no matter whether we believe him or not.

3. Asimov's Guide to the Bible - Isaac Asimov - A gigantic book, more of a reference than for cover to cover reading. Every Christian who has some view about his religion MUST read this book. Incredibly well researched and detailed - the book chronicles every single event of the bible and puts in the the historical context.

4. The Naked Ape - Desmond Morris - Brilliant book by a Zoologist, who studies the human being as yet another species of animals and tries to explain why we behave the way we behave.

5. Zorba the Greek - Nikos Kazantzakis - His most popular work to date, this book tries to explain in a very subtle way, what living in this world is all about and what living your life to the fullest is all about.

6. The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins - A very polarizing book. It has the potential to change your life. So read at your own risk.

7. The Great Indian Novel - Shashi Tharoor - Brilliant work from him, which he has not been able to replicate in any other of his works. The juxtaposition of the Mahabharatha and Indian politics is seamless, insightful and inspiring.

8. The Selfish Gene - Richard Dawkins - Yet another brilliant work by Dawkins. More politically and religiously correct. Must read if you want to know more about science, evolutions and Darwin

9. The Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy - Douglas Adams - Wit, Sarcasm, its a classic.

10.

I guess I will leave this empty. Its the search for the next book that will confuse me, convince me, make me look at myself inside out and make me look at the world in a slightly different way. :)

Happy Reading!

Happy New Year

Its the beginning of a New Year - not a very happy one at that, economies seem to be getting busted across the board, terrorism is on the rise, companies are being pulled up for scams and Ram GOpal Varma is planning a slate of new releases for the year...

Just like every one else, these have been uncertain times for me. Things are moving on at a pace which is difficult to fathom for me. More than ever, I have been forced to take a step back and look at how I can make some sense out of so much change, create certainty out of uncertainty.

I realized that for me, and I am guessing for a lot of people, almost all uncertainities for the world and hinged around 2 simple emotions, 2 words which are so simple to name, but too complex to explain.

Its called HOPE and FEAR.

Two emotions which keep flip flopping in our minds. Two sides of the same coin. Two ways to look at the future. Two ways to live life.

Religion is built around reducing our fears and bringing in Hope.
Leaders across the world, are symbols for hope.
Every single moment of our lives we look at the future - and there is a mixture of hope and fear in our minds. The level of hope or fear depends on the situation, the personal conviction and support systems like religion, personal philosophy etc.

As I stand at the edge of 2008 and look at the deep precipice of 2009 in front of me, my mind is filled with hopes and fears.
I stand at the edge - not sure of what to do.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

I remember my child hood - early memories, growing up, people, places, lessons, experiences - it passes through me in a flash - like a kaleidoscope of random memories - showing me everything, and nothing at the same time. I desperately try to look for a meaning in the images, try to make sense out of the images that flash past in their multiple colors, emotions and textures.

I dont make too much sense of it, but I do realize that every moment of my life has been a step into the darkness. A leap into a precipice, a moment of complete exhilaration and raw fear at the same time. Life is like that - a leap into the darkness every moment of our lives.

I realize that instead of fearing the darkness, I will have to embrace it. The future is unknown, is uncertain and unclear. Its my life and I have to make the leap. And I know I will make the leap well if I remain true to myself. If I follow my conscience and do what I think is right for me, I believe I will make the leap.

I realize that hope and fear are merely 2 opposing emotions of the a single element. And the element is the truth. If I follow my truth - the truth will set me free. Free from Hope and Fear and lead me to living my life as I deem right.

I open my eyes. I see the darkness in front of me. But it doesnt look so frightening anymore. I know who I am. I know what I want. I know the truth. And the truth will set me free.

I leap into the darkness....


~"I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free" - Nikos Kazantzakis

Its not too late to hope.

There is a war in Mumbai.
Its not a terrorist attack. Its not a car bomb, its not a random explosion... its a war and its right in the middle of India.

Its not like India hasnt faced terror attacks before.

But there is something about this attack which is chilling.. downright terrifying...
It seems like the terrorists wanted themselves to be seen, to face the country's strength face-to-face. To fire at the media, the common people, the guests.
They wanted to show their strength - they wanted the world to see them and that is a very disturbing thought.

So what do we do in such moments of crisis? In moments where you realize that life is much more than Monday morning blues, an argument with your friends or plans for the next movie?

Do you live in apathy and say that this has and will happen in India?

Do you not care and thank your stars that you live in another secure place, far away from home?

Do you ridicule the authorities for the lack of preparation and move on with your lives in a so-called developed country?

Do you lock the doors of your home more securely and thank your stars that you are alive?

Do you watch CNN reporters ridicule the level of preparation and lack of help the authorities are giving for the local population?


I cant do that when my country bleeds.

I dont know what I can do, but I can and I will hope that the city and the country will rise again. Fearless. Hopeful, but not apathetic.

I can hope that people across the world will start thinking by themselves and not follow religious rhetoric or mass hysteria.

I can hope that the human spirit will not just endure, but react and conquer the forces of terror. By force. By forgiveness. By care. By looking out for your neighbour.

To all the members of the police force, ATS, Army, Navy, NSG and Fire Force in Mumbai, our hopes and prayers are with you.

Recession and me

OK Ladies and Gentlemen.. lets face it... we are in a global recession...
No matter how happy world leaders, bank CEOs and CNBC anchors may sound... the fact of the matter is this...

For a soap seller like me, sitting in one corner of the world.. all this is a lot of mumbo jumbo... I hear words like subprime crisis, overvaluation, credit crunch, oil price, Bush, BPOs, credit spreads, Bush again and a lot of words and people who dont make a lot of sense every day.. I am not an economist (although i did learn a few courses in MBA, and barely managed to pass) and I shall not pretend to be one.. So i know absolutely nothing of what happened, how it started and most importantly why.. I am guessing no one till know has figured out the why part, else we would be laughing our way out of it by now.. anyways I shall leave the global macroeconomic complexities to the finance ministers and economists of the world.. and try to describe what has changed over the past couple of months around me... Also some tips on how to manage the recession.

The J Word: The days when my batchmates used to jump jobs like independant MPs jump sides in the Lok Sabha is long over.. Everyone seems to be clinging to their jobs for dear life, no matter how crappy it may be. Some of my observations have been:
a. LinkedIn invites have now started beating my Facebook friend requests. Batchmates, juniors, seniors or even the guy on the street from whom I had asked the way to Palayam market 2 years back have been furiously adding me on Linked In. For what joy, I dont know.. but anyways it feels good to have the false sense of security that there are so many friends
b. Sharp increase in number of office parties - Go to any pub in recent times and you can see a sudden spike in number of people in formals trying their level best to have a fun time. In between all the chaos is a fixed pattern - the summer intern chats up with the new hire.. the new hire chats up with the 1 year old.. the 1 year old chats up with the senior manager.. so on and so forth... Boringness of the conversations increase exponentially as one moves up the food chain.. however reasons for the parties are either that people dont have much to do these days (they have been told not to touch anything.. just like mom used to tell us when we were kids) or they just need to solidify their relationship with the superior to ensure that they are not kicked out ...
c. Overall "busy-ness" increases on office floors - Walk around office floors these days and notice how you can see a significant increase in "busy-ness" levels. Now the term is quite subjective and can be explained only by examples like... people walking up and down the hallway shouting on the phones and looking very hassled, people refusing to go out for lunch and taking back food packets to eat while "working" (while in actuality they might be sending out LinkedIn invites)... people coming early in the morning and shouting across the floor that they need a cup of coffee, because the day has been very stressful.. the basic intent is to create an impression that they are the most integral part of the business and any idea of letting them go would be tantamount to Karan Johar coming on public TV and claiming that he is gay...

Blame it on Bush: I dont know if this is part of the recession fever or has been a consistent trend over the past few years, but the trend recently is... if you cant find a reason, blame it on Bush...
If price of oil goes up, its Bush's fault.. if a hurricane hits the US soil, its Bush's fault... If Britney decides to shave her head, its Bush's fault...If RGV's next movie also flops, its Bush's fault... If there is a power cut in Kattapana in Idukki district in Kerala state then also its Bush's fault..

Come on, give the guy a break.. We all know that he is dumb and all that, but he isnt smart enough to create so much trouble even if he wanted to... I really sympathize with Papa Bush who would have told his wife long back... "Are Sunte ho.. ek din mera beta mere jaise world famous hoga... aur woh $#&*^# Saddam se badla lega"

Cut Costs at all cost: Everyone everywhere is cutting cost... Car companies have started putting tyres as part of "optional accessories"... If you go to a five star hotel, you have to pay for toilet paper.. Soaps and shampoos have become so small, its almost like u imagine as if you are taking a bath with them and ul get the happiness.. Minisha Lamba saved lots of cost on clothing in the movie Kidnap.. Terrorists making bombs that dont blow due to cheap explosives... cost saving is the buzz word for the day...

Bank CEOs on TV with 24 watt smiles that can beat McCain or Obama any day: There is a new way to save your investments my friends.. There has been a sudden demand increase in digging tools, metal boxes, flag posts and dogs.... (In fact a few banks have started a service wing which gives the entire package at a substantial discount.. water proof bags for the notes come for free). Dig a hole and bury the money... get a couple of dogs to guard it and ul be ok for a lifetime.. Its gonna take

No one cares about Osama anymore: What ever happened to that guy? Even if he would make a half page ad on the NYT mentioning that "Hey guys, this is where you can find me" I dont think anyone would even notice... Osama is passe, he could easily buy a good mansion in Beverly Hills (its quite cheap due to ... err.. the subprime crisis i think...) and live there comfortably for the rest of his life...

Never mention the R word: Most importantly, no one ever mentions the R word or the P word (psst.. it means Panic) Its like mentioning in public that you are an atheist or that Ganguly should have been made the captain for the Australia series... It is never to be mentioned .. and if u do, u will be met with blank stares, glares and looks as if you have lost it....

So what do we do about all this thats happening around? The bright ones can try to intellectualize, make coffee table conversation to prove that you are a nerd or cry about it... Id rather just laugh about the whole thing...

Anyways having said that, its Sunday night.. I have to sleep early and get to office before my boss does... It part of the "busy-ness" image building plan u see....

Gods whim or nature's miracle

The junk boat chugs along the choppy waters... The moonlight streams across the waves like a ray of light sent to the world from the heavens.... I look around and I see peace, silence in its rawest form ever.... I am on the majestic Halong Bay....

Maybe majestic is not the word.. maybe surreal.. maybe there isnt a word to describe what i see... I see huge mountains rise up the ocean, suddenly... without warning... as if God had a whim to create mountains in between the ocean...nature's joke on the world....

The huge silhouettes of the mountains stand tall... a powerful display of strength and prowess to everyone around... I feel humbled in the face of this magnificence.. the world seems to be taunting me...reminding me that no matter who i am or what i have achieved i will still be a tiny speck in this earth...

This is my first trip alone... and I am so glad i decided to travel by myself... Ive made new friends, talked to more people... soaked in new thoughts, feelings and cultures a little bit more than ive before...

As i sit on the ledge of the boat staring at the visual poetry of nature, a strange sense of calm seems to be filling me.. ive never felt it before. The questions, confusions, emotional turmoils or thoughts dont seem to be coming in quick and fast as before... I dont know why.. and I dont know whether to be happy or sad about it...

I dont think ive reached any closer in finding inner peace... i guess thats just an ever changing destination which all men keep running harder and faster to get to, but ends up being farther and farther away than ever before... Maybe the harder u run, the farther it becomes... maybe if we stop and stare, it might come closer... I dont know and I guess I never will....

I guess the questions will continue to arise.. the answers will continue to play hide and seek with me... but i guess whats changed is that i do feel more comfortable in this world... being me... living here.. in this moment.. my past, present and future... I am happy being me... and I hope that the feeling stays...

Life is a funny thing... u think uve figured it out and suddenly it turns around and surprises u... so Im not coming to any conclusions.. I will soak the scenery.. take a bit of the moon, stars, water, the boat and the mountains in my heart... preserve this memory in my mind... Maybe years later, when life gives me a surprise, ill look back at the memory and be reminded of the brilliance of the world around me...

9/8/08
Halong Bay
Vietnam

Album: Vietnam