Conundrum - thats my life!!

The Road Not Taken...

2009-08-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

What a year it has been...
The recession hit us, MJ passed away, H1N1 became the biggest issue, A black man became president, the congress won the election, someone won the IPL, India lost the championship that mattered, Sania kept losing, Saina kept winning and Steffi came back to tennis for one last time...

It was for most parts a grim year. A year where people didnt know what lay ahead of them for the next day, where their money went, how the future would pan out. It was the worst of times.

Not a great time to be turning 28 i would say. Life isnt always treating you at its best. You start noticing the first grey hair - which shatters you deep inside (yeah i noticed it in the A 320 bathroom on a flight from Bangkok to Singapore - couldnt eat or sleep for the rest of the flight. I think i stayed in the bathroom for about 30 mins hoping that its a trick that my eyes are playing on me, which worried the air crew quite a bit), you are out of place with the clubbing, partying singles crowd - mainly cuz your body starts aching after a few hours of jumping around, you have no idea who Jay Z is and what the big fuss is about, you are the only one in the club who screams out for joy when they play the mandatory "Highway to Hell" or "Summer of 69" and your sense of fashion reminds the others in the crowd of their dad.

Things are not that great on the other side either... the dark side... where people discuss prams, kindergartens, birthday parties, latest animation movies that can make their kids happy. They go to IKEA, Toys R Us and other sissy stores on Friday nigths, sleep at 9pm, unless of course if their kids or their wives cry and keep them awake all night...

So here I am, stuck bang in the middle. Two roads diverging on a yellow wood... well not that yellow in an equatorial region.. but still lets keep it that way for romaticism's sake.. I see friends moving on to the dark side.. Some reluctantly - succumbing to years of cold and calculated torture and emotional blackmail from "loved ones" and "relatives who care", others join the bandwagon with a false sense of hope - feeling deep inside that their lives will be different, it wont be like "other normal people" and yet others kicking and screaming and clawing for all they have till the last minute when they are thrown into the deep abyss.. of the dark side...

And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Well here I am, or was.. bang in the middle.. Knowing not what to do.. I could have depended on "loved ones" or people "with experience" or "God" to help me choose the right path.. it wouldve been easier - let others make decisions for you.. go with the flow.. blame ur fate, loved ones or others if things turn out badly...

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

But it wouldnt have made sense... I dont think i can take the easy way out.. its not me.. I wasnt born or brought up that way... It just didnt seem right...

I took the path i felt was right.. It wasnt what others thought made sense.. It wasnt the easiest for sure. It was irrational, stupid, ridiculous, over ambitious, probably not divinely ordained... but I took it anyways...

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

So here I am, walking along the road less traveled, filled with fear, excitement, trepidation, hope, despair and anticipation for what lies ahead... I dont know if this will turn out to be the best or worst of times.. but i do know that its gonna be an make all the difference...

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

PS: As usual, IM keeping this post vague.. will mail you guys in details about the specifics later.. wish me luck! :)

Not Another Fake IPL Blog

2009-05-15T11:08:00.000-07:00

Its 2 am in the morning on Friday night. Im not drunk, Im broke, Im not sure if Ill have a job, people say i dont hav a sense of humor and yet I am grinning from ear to ear...

No, I am not on drugs (oops.. did i say the word in Singapore?) and Im not yet another politician who has the fake smile plastered on his face while shoe missiles are being targeted all around him... I have become an IPL fan!

And why not? Everyone from Mr. Durgaprasad Singh, the tea stall owner at Patiala to Sosamma Zachariah the Gelf Aunty who just returned to Chalakudy are glued onto the TV till midnight. Nobody cares if Bollywood has come to a standstill, nobody cares if a billion people have voted, hell nobody cares about Swine Flu or Sri Lanka... the world is a better place with IPL!

Now the question is .. why do I watch it? Who do I support?

The Bongs will always root for Kolkata and crib day in and day out on how SRK has screwed up the team by not putting Dada as captain (despite his reluctance to keep batting once he crosses single digits - methinks he has figured the system out: why play if u are paid anyways?). I feel sorry for the Brand team at Sprite who wouldve thought wat an awesome Idea it wud be to buy SRK from Pepsi.

The Mumbaikars will not care about their team, as long as they trash the Delhi-ites.
Wonder why MNS is not raising an issue about Me Mumbaikar campaign for IPL - remove Jayasurya and Malinga.. they are not from Mumbai! One wonders whats more entertaining.. watching Sachin bat or Madam Ambani chant her prayers during the last overs or try to do a Priety at the dugout.

The Delhi ites wont care about how they perform, as long as they are dressed well and do the Jhattak moves.

Rajastan - well, if you have Shilpa Shetty at the stands, who cares about watching the game?

Punjab - Ah there is a love triangle happening there - Priety? Ness? Yuvraj? ah.. who cares...

Rest of them, I dont even bother mentioning.

So who do I support? There is no Kerala team. I guess the only sport which we have some hope is running (lots of experience for women have after running after their drunkard husbands), swimming (to get to the Gulf Shores) so no scope in cricket.

The only Mallu representative is Mr. "Appam" Sreesanth. The less I mention about him the better. When he gets free time from appearing in dance shows, attending parties, sending smses to random Kannadiga heroines and straightening his hair he finds time to bowl wides, mis field and giving sixes away on a platter. I guess his best role is to be the 12th man.. all he has to do is arrive during the drinks break, insult the opposition and leave...

In a way, the IPL has been good for Indian TV. After watching unbearable naatak by Saas Bahus and Politicians, this is a welcome break - especially after the recession.
IPL gets the Saas Bahus on the field; Auntys watch IPL, Soap and Powder makers blow up money on Zoo Zoos to woo the Auntys ; Auntys fall for Zoo zoos; Auntys woo Uncles to blow up money... and suddenly we dont have a recessionary economy...

And to think that the cause of the recession was just a Saas Bahu...

So at the end of the day, who benefits?

For one, Mr Lalit Modi has become a God for the Media industry and the FMCG/Mobile Service providers. He can make enough money to take UBS out of bankruptcy.

All the cricketers - right from the ones who have stepped out of the crib to the ones stepping into the grave - it doesnt matter how you perform. The money keeps pouring in.

Random Reporters, pitch specialists, grass specialists, ball specialists, wind specialists.. what not.. there is millions to make - as long as you look old, slightly respectable and can talk English - the thought of Lakshman Sivaramakrishnan (he calls himself SRK) making millions sends shivers down my spine..Why didnt my dad pass me a cricket bat instead of a pen when I was a kid?

People of South Africa - especially the "poor kids" who have been told before hand to talk about who is their favorite team and favorite player. Miss Bollywoods who have no clue where India is on the map and the "cheerleaders" who are as clueless as the reporters on the field...

Cricket Team Owners - yeah.. with all those endorsements, even KKR will make money. SRK will dance in a few more marriages, parties (last heard he even passed by Feroz Khan's funeral) to break even.

FMCG companies - They will sell their soap, they will make their money.

So who looses?

Well our dear Aunty and Uncle.. who were happy in their dear little world of Saas Bahu soaps.. and guys like me who are up till 2 am everyday to watch this thing called IPL...

For now Ill watch Swami Prachananda giving away the Man of the Match Award to Brett Lee next to a giggling Priety Zinta.....

The Cricketing Gurus would be turning in their graves...

Books books books

2009-03-14T21:52:00.000-07:00

Ah well.. its been some time since i last came by this place. Life's been a lil stressed out recently and a kinda lost track of time..

But ya.. u reach a stage when u kinda shake urself out of all those strings attached to u.. take a deep breath, look at the world whose trying to screw u around and smile back at it... I think its way better than showing the finger.... and maybe.. just maybe it tends to smile back at u as well...

Now.. ive always been fascinated with the world of books... I remember when I was a kid (yes I was a kid in the 80s and 90s when cable TV didnt exist, He-Man and Giant Robot were the only entertainment we got during the week, unless watching rice fields on Krishi Darshan was considered to be refreshing), I found solace in books.

Im glad my folks encouraged reading for me as well. I remember Mom giving the old Russian fables with mighty dragons and beautiful princesses (waay before the Potter era) and comics - tons of comics which I used to read during my childhood. Eloor Library was my paradise and I used to loose myself amongst Famous Fives, Hardy Boys and Batman during my early school days.

I got stuck in a rut on reading in my college days and even in Cal. I guess it was like of time, effort or the feeling that the world was at ur fingertips with the internet, that kinda made me shun the idea of taking a good ol paperback, and flipping through the pages. I think I pushed books to be a provider of information or entertainment. I forgot that the most important thing that a book does, is that it stimulates thought. It lets you travel to places without even leaving the confines of your room and most importantly you can create your own world with your imagination which doesnt require motion capture technology and other snazzy effects.

I am glad I went back to reading recently. I am glad I am trying to free my mind of daily trivialities, tensions and worries. Here's my list of books which have influenced me personally, in random order of course. So if you havent even glanced through half of them, I suggest you rush to the nearest bookstore :)

1. A short history of nearly everything - Bill Bryson: A brilliant book for any high school student who is confused with all those theories and equations of Physics, CHemistry or Math. All those random equations and subject made so much sense once I read this long, but witty take on the history of science

2. The Last Temptation of Christ - Nikos Kazantzakis - A must read for anyone who knows about Christ. I dont know why this has been banned by the Vatican, but its a brilliant book which clearly shows why we should respect Jesus, no matter whether we believe him or not.

3. Asimov's Guide to the Bible - Isaac Asimov - A gigantic book, more of a reference than for cover to cover reading. Every Christian who has some view about his religion MUST read this book. Incredibly well researched and detailed - the book chronicles every single event of the bible and puts in the the historical context.

4. The Naked Ape - Desmond Morris - Brilliant book by a Zoologist, who studies the human being as yet another species of animals and tries to explain why we behave the way we behave.

5. Zorba the Greek - Nikos Kazantzakis - His most popular work to date, this book tries to explain in a very subtle way, what living in this world is all about and what living your life to the fullest is all about.

6. The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins - A very polarizing book. It has the potential to change your life. So read at your own risk.

7. The Great Indian Novel - Shashi Tharoor - Brilliant work from him, which he has not been able to replicate in any other of his works. The juxtaposition of the Mahabharatha and Indian politics is seamless, insightful and inspiring.

8. The Selfish Gene - Richard Dawkins - Yet another brilliant work by Dawkins. More politically and religiously correct. Must read if you want to know more about science, evolutions and Darwin

9. The Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy - Douglas Adams - Wit, Sarcasm, its a classic.

10.

I guess I will leave this empty. Its the search for the next book that will confuse me, convince me, make me look at myself inside out and make me look at the world in a slightly different way. :)

Happy Reading!

Happy New Year

2009-01-11T05:06:00.000-08:00

Its the beginning of a New Year - not a very happy one at that, economies seem to be getting busted across the board, terrorism is on the rise, companies are being pulled up for scams and Ram GOpal Varma is planning a slate of new releases for the year...

Just like every one else, these have been uncertain times for me. Things are moving on at a pace which is difficult to fathom for me. More than ever, I have been forced to take a step back and look at how I can make some sense out of so much change, create certainty out of uncertainty.

I realized that for me, and I am guessing for a lot of people, almost all uncertainities for the world and hinged around 2 simple emotions, 2 words which are so simple to name, but too complex to explain.

Its called HOPE and FEAR.

Two emotions which keep flip flopping in our minds. Two sides of the same coin. Two ways to look at the future. Two ways to live life.

Religion is built around reducing our fears and bringing in Hope.
Leaders across the world, are symbols for hope.
Every single moment of our lives we look at the future - and there is a mixture of hope and fear in our minds. The level of hope or fear depends on the situation, the personal conviction and support systems like religion, personal philosophy etc.

As I stand at the edge of 2008 and look at the deep precipice of 2009 in front of me, my mind is filled with hopes and fears.
I stand at the edge - not sure of what to do.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

I remember my child hood - early memories, growing up, people, places, lessons, experiences - it passes through me in a flash - like a kaleidoscope of random memories - showing me everything, and nothing at the same time. I desperately try to look for a meaning in the images, try to make sense out of the images that flash past in their multiple colors, emotions and textures.

I dont make too much sense of it, but I do realize that every moment of my life has been a step into the darkness. A leap into a precipice, a moment of complete exhilaration and raw fear at the same time. Life is like that - a leap into the darkness every moment of our lives.

I realize that instead of fearing the darkness, I will have to embrace it. The future is unknown, is uncertain and unclear. Its my life and I have to make the leap. And I know I will make the leap well if I remain true to myself. If I follow my conscience and do what I think is right for me, I believe I will make the leap.

I realize that hope and fear are merely 2 opposing emotions of the a single element. And the element is the truth. If I follow my truth - the truth will set me free. Free from Hope and Fear and lead me to living my life as I deem right.

I open my eyes. I see the darkness in front of me. But it doesnt look so frightening anymore. I know who I am. I know what I want. I know the truth. And the truth will set me free.

I leap into the darkness....

~"I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free" - Nikos Kazantzakis

Its not too late to hope.

2008-11-27T04:28:00.000-08:00

There is a war in Mumbai.
Its not a terrorist attack. Its not a car bomb, its not a random explosion... its a war and its right in the middle of India.

Its not like India hasnt faced terror attacks before.

But there is something about this attack which is chilling.. downright terrifying...
It seems like the terrorists wanted themselves to be seen, to face the country's strength face-to-face. To fire at the media, the common people, the guests.
They wanted to show their strength - they wanted the world to see them and that is a very disturbing thought.

So what do we do in such moments of crisis? In moments where you realize that life is much more than Monday morning blues, an argument with your friends or plans for the next movie?

Do you live in apathy and say that this has and will happen in India?

Do you not care and thank your stars that you live in another secure place, far away from home?

Do you ridicule the authorities for the lack of preparation and move on with your lives in a so-called developed country?

Do you lock the doors of your home more securely and thank your stars that you are alive?

Do you watch CNN reporters ridicule the level of preparation and lack of help the authorities are giving for the local population?

I cant do that when my country bleeds.

I dont know what I can do, but I can and I will hope that the city and the country will rise again. Fearless. Hopeful, but not apathetic.

I can hope that people across the world will start thinking by themselves and not follow religious rhetoric or mass hysteria.

I can hope that the human spirit will not just endure, but react and conquer the forces of terror. By force. By forgiveness. By care. By looking out for your neighbour.

To all the members of the police force, ATS, Army, Navy, NSG and Fire Force in Mumbai, our hopes and prayers are with you.

Recession and me

2008-10-05T06:05:00.000-07:00

OK Ladies and Gentlemen.. lets face it... we are in a global recession...
No matter how happy world leaders, bank CEOs and CNBC anchors may sound... the fact of the matter is this...

For a soap seller like me, sitting in one corner of the world.. all this is a lot of mumbo jumbo... I hear words like subprime crisis, overvaluation, credit crunch, oil price, Bush, BPOs, credit spreads, Bush again and a lot of words and people who dont make a lot of sense every day.. I am not an economist (although i did learn a few courses in MBA, and barely managed to pass) and I shall not pretend to be one.. So i know absolutely nothing of what happened, how it started and most importantly why.. I am guessing no one till know has figured out the why part, else we would be laughing our way out of it by now.. anyways I shall leave the global macroeconomic complexities to the finance ministers and economists of the world.. and try to describe what has changed over the past couple of months around me... Also some tips on how to manage the recession.

The J Word: The days when my batchmates used to jump jobs like independant MPs jump sides in the Lok Sabha is long over.. Everyone seems to be clinging to their jobs for dear life, no matter how crappy it may be. Some of my observations have been:
a. LinkedIn invites have now started beating my Facebook friend requests. Batchmates, juniors, seniors or even the guy on the street from whom I had asked the way to Palayam market 2 years back have been furiously adding me on Linked In. For what joy, I dont know.. but anyways it feels good to have the false sense of security that there are so many friends
b. Sharp increase in number of office parties - Go to any pub in recent times and you can see a sudden spike in number of people in formals trying their level best to have a fun time. In between all the chaos is a fixed pattern - the summer intern chats up with the new hire.. the new hire chats up with the 1 year old.. the 1 year old chats up with the senior manager.. so on and so forth... Boringness of the conversations increase exponentially as one moves up the food chain.. however reasons for the parties are either that people dont have much to do these days (they have been told not to touch anything.. just like mom used to tell us when we were kids) or they just need to solidify their relationship with the superior to ensure that they are not kicked out ...
c. Overall "busy-ness" increases on office floors - Walk around office floors these days and notice how you can see a significant increase in "busy-ness" levels. Now the term is quite subjective and can be explained only by examples like... people walking up and down the hallway shouting on the phones and looking very hassled, people refusing to go out for lunch and taking back food packets to eat while "working" (while in actuality they might be sending out LinkedIn invites)... people coming early in the morning and shouting across the floor that they need a cup of coffee, because the day has been very stressful.. the basic intent is to create an impression that they are the most integral part of the business and any idea of letting them go would be tantamount to Karan Johar coming on public TV and claiming that he is gay...

Blame it on Bush: I dont know if this is part of the recession fever or has been a consistent trend over the past few years, but the trend recently is... if you cant find a reason, blame it on Bush...
If price of oil goes up, its Bush's fault.. if a hurricane hits the US soil, its Bush's fault... If Britney decides to shave her head, its Bush's fault...If RGV's next movie also flops, its Bush's fault... If there is a power cut in Kattapana in Idukki district in Kerala state then also its Bush's fault..

Come on, give the guy a break.. We all know that he is dumb and all that, but he isnt smart enough to create so much trouble even if he wanted to... I really sympathize with Papa Bush who would have told his wife long back... "Are Sunte ho.. ek din mera beta mere jaise world famous hoga... aur woh $#&*^# Saddam se badla lega"

Cut Costs at all cost: Everyone everywhere is cutting cost... Car companies have started putting tyres as part of "optional accessories"... If you go to a five star hotel, you have to pay for toilet paper.. Soaps and shampoos have become so small, its almost like u imagine as if you are taking a bath with them and ul get the happiness.. Minisha Lamba saved lots of cost on clothing in the movie Kidnap.. Terrorists making bombs that dont blow due to cheap explosives... cost saving is the buzz word for the day...

Bank CEOs on TV with 24 watt smiles that can beat McCain or Obama any day: There is a new way to save your investments my friends.. There has been a sudden demand increase in digging tools, metal boxes, flag posts and dogs.... (In fact a few banks have started a service wing which gives the entire package at a substantial discount.. water proof bags for the notes come for free). Dig a hole and bury the money... get a couple of dogs to guard it and ul be ok for a lifetime.. Its gonna take

No one cares about Osama anymore: What ever happened to that guy? Even if he would make a half page ad on the NYT mentioning that "Hey guys, this is where you can find me" I dont think anyone would even notice... Osama is passe, he could easily buy a good mansion in Beverly Hills (its quite cheap due to ... err.. the subprime crisis i think...) and live there comfortably for the rest of his life...

Never mention the R word: Most importantly, no one ever mentions the R word or the P word (psst.. it means Panic) Its like mentioning in public that you are an atheist or that Ganguly should have been made the captain for the Australia series... It is never to be mentioned .. and if u do, u will be met with blank stares, glares and looks as if you have lost it....

So what do we do about all this thats happening around? The bright ones can try to intellectualize, make coffee table conversation to prove that you are a nerd or cry about it... Id rather just laugh about the whole thing...

Anyways having said that, its Sunday night.. I have to sleep early and get to office before my boss does... It part of the "busy-ness" image building plan u see....

Gods whim or nature's miracle

2008-08-16T04:25:00.000-07:00

The junk boat chugs along the choppy waters... The moonlight streams across the waves like a ray of light sent to the world from the heavens.... I look around and I see peace, silence in its rawest form ever.... I am on the majestic Halong Bay....

Maybe majestic is not the word.. maybe surreal.. maybe there isnt a word to describe what i see... I see huge mountains rise up the ocean, suddenly... without warning... as if God had a whim to create mountains in between the ocean...nature's joke on the world....

The huge silhouettes of the mountains stand tall... a powerful display of strength and prowess to everyone around... I feel humbled in the face of this magnificence.. the world seems to be taunting me...reminding me that no matter who i am or what i have achieved i will still be a tiny speck in this earth...

This is my first trip alone... and I am so glad i decided to travel by myself... Ive made new friends, talked to more people... soaked in new thoughts, feelings and cultures a little bit more than ive before...

As i sit on the ledge of the boat staring at the visual poetry of nature, a strange sense of calm seems to be filling me.. ive never felt it before. The questions, confusions, emotional turmoils or thoughts dont seem to be coming in quick and fast as before... I dont know why.. and I dont know whether to be happy or sad about it...

I dont think ive reached any closer in finding inner peace... i guess thats just an ever changing destination which all men keep running harder and faster to get to, but ends up being farther and farther away than ever before... Maybe the harder u run, the farther it becomes... maybe if we stop and stare, it might come closer... I dont know and I guess I never will....

I guess the questions will continue to arise.. the answers will continue to play hide and seek with me... but i guess whats changed is that i do feel more comfortable in this world... being me... living here.. in this moment.. my past, present and future... I am happy being me... and I hope that the feeling stays...

Life is a funny thing... u think uve figured it out and suddenly it turns around and surprises u... so Im not coming to any conclusions.. I will soak the scenery.. take a bit of the moon, stars, water, the boat and the mountains in my heart... preserve this memory in my mind... Maybe years later, when life gives me a surprise, ill look back at the memory and be reminded of the brilliance of the world around me...

9/8/08
Halong Bay
Vietnam

Album: Vietnam

Light the Candles.. Cut the Cake...

2008-06-28T19:21:00.000-07:00

28 years ago, on this day life was created.
Scrawny, helpless and useless the baby brought life and happiness to the people around him.
The baby has grown to a boy and then into a man. He has seen happiness, growth, wisdom, love and also a bit of sadness, rejection, anger and contempt.

Its been a journey -well not to the extent that anyone would want to make a movie out of it, nonetheless its been a journey for me. As I look back, I see images from different stages of my life.. most of them happy..

Did I move forward, backward or was I moving in circles?

Were the decisions I took in my life right or wrong for me?

I dont know and frankly I dont care.

I guess what matters is that Ive moved out of my comfort zone and taken baby steps to try to figure out who I am, what I am and why I ended up here in the first place. Its a lot like the first steps a baby takes when it tries to walk.. unsure, excited, scared but still happy to discover something new about it. He tries to walk and when he can.. he runs, stumbles and falls.. but picks himself up and tries again..
and again..
and again....
relentless pursuit of the unknown.....

There was a stage when life for me was all about events, filling up check boxes, doing duties which I was told or I believed that I have to do.
It wore me down.. it was monotonous. A new year was all about filling more checkboxes.. I think I still end up doing those things, but the difference is that it doesnt matter to me much anymore..

We are a funny species.. Sometimes we look back and feel inadequate.. sometimes we look forward and feel scared. Rarely do we look at where we are now and question why we are here in the first place.

So here I am, under an Oak tree on a bench in a park. I see a wedding about to happen in front of me. The bride and groom look beautiful. The families look happy. They are all rejoicing the union of 2 humans and the creation of life. I sit far away and smile....

At times I feel at peace.. I feel I am in a happy place. At times a feel a deep urge to break free and fly.. I dont know what that means but I sense there is something restraining me.. my beliefs, hopes, fear of the unknown or maybe a lack of belief in myself..

I have to break free. Conquer my fears, kill my hopes and fly away....
I dont know where I will go... but I will fly.
I know it.
I can feel it.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Under an oak tree
Fort Canning Park
28/6/2008

The Grim Reaper

2008-06-14T18:28:00.000-07:00

"If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster". - Issac Asimov

If there is something that scares humans more than anything in this world, its the concept of leaving the world. Death is a concept which has scared humans from time immemorial. The idea of a human being suddenly stopping to function and being a rigid lifeless body is something we cant fathom even today...Its almost as if life is one big party which everyone wants to be a part of, and no one wants to leave... We make one excuse or the other to stick on as long as possible.. but no matter what we do, the eventuality is evident.. the party will end one day...

People who have been close to be have died in the past couple of weeks. Relatives, friends, colleagues - they have met their ends in natural or unnatural ways. However what fascinates me is the human reaction to know that someone who you know has died... Its always followed by initially denial that the person has died, then silence - when the fear of death hits you and finally sorrow to know that the person has left our company. This is of course followed by a reminder of one's religion and a hope that his/her soul will attain peace in the after-life.

But at the root of it all, i think that the first thing which humans feel when they hear about death is fear. Fear that it could come to us anyday and also the fear that we as humans, in all our knowledge is still powerless in the face of death...

But we do try to get around this fear.. We believe in the duality of the human body and the soul. And the fact that life is a journey for the human soul which then moves out of the body to to another life or another place where it starts its journey all over again or attains peace. The foundation of any religion is this very fact - and probably this is why you have a larger community of older people being more religious than the younger ones...

But not matter what, humans are rarely able to overcome the fear of death. We believe in all theories and ideas to help us take the concept of death not as a finality, but as a transient phase, but even then in some dark recess of our mind, the fact pounds in our heads that it is the end of our lives as we know it...

Very few people who I know about have conquered death. I guess, the simplest example would be Jesus. Its quite interesting, that few people know about his life, but almost everyone in the world knows about his death. Christians worship his death as a symbol of the ultimate sacrifice and of salvation to humans. Christianity became so popular and spread across the world because of the crucification of Christ. The simple act of knowingly getting yourself killed in a painful manner generated so much respect and wonder across the world that the message of Christianity spread like wildfire after the world saw or heard about Jesus' death on the cross. He was afraid to die. The bible talks about his debate with god in the garden of Gethsamane. According to Luke 22:43–44, Jesus' anguish in Gethsemane was so deep that "his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground." But after that moment, Jesus was able to conquer the fear of death. Its not something a lot of people can do, and probably thats why he has been immortalized in human history and his words are worshipped by Christians across the world.

Death is a question which has no answers.. or maybe it does and we are too ignorant to know the answer. I guess if we could accept the question, the eventuality and live our life in this world to the fullest, that would make our existence in this world a more peaceful one...

Life is a party, which will end some day.. so party hard while it lasts....

I started dreamıng ın technicolor again...

2008-05-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

Ive been stuck ın the Istanbul aırport lounge for the past 12 hours cuz ı mıssed my connectıng flıght to sıngapore and by the looks of ıt ıll be here for the next day too...

anyways - for those who dıdnt know (whıch ıs very few ı guess) ı had been on a 2 week backpackıng trıp across turkey, spaın and france.. there were moments ı felt lıke wrıtıng stuff on a small dırty notepad whıch ı had shoved ın my backpack. I guess ıt was pretty nıce cuz ıt kında captures the moment and my thoughts... anyways ıll try capturıng the moment.. ıll type ın wat ı wrote and scan the pages later (cuz u mıght fınd ıt tough to read my handwrıtıng)
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30th Aprıl - Galata Brıdge, Istanbul, Turkey

I walked under the Galata Brıdge to a plafce rıght ın the mıddle of the ocean. I can see fıshermen tryıng to catch fısh on both sıdes (of the brıdge). The sea ıs green wıth loads of jellyfısh. On the other end I can see the blue mosque standıng there, watchıng over the cıty ın all ıts splendor. There are shıps and small fıshıng boats all across the Bosphorous. I can see the fısherman has caught 3 fısh ın 1 go, ı dont know how he managed to do that! I can see modern cell phone towers next to huge mınarets, fıghtıng wıth each other to see whıch one wıll go hıgher. No, ı guess they are not fıghtıng. Somethıng about thıs place makes me feel that the modern lıfestyle ıs so much ın harmony wıth the tradıtıonal ıslamıc lıfestyle. To my left a huge Turkısh flay flıes hıgh and proud. I guess on a day lıke thısö the flag has a rıght to be proudç I am truly overwhelmed by the majestıc splendour of thıs place.
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1st May - Somewhere ın the mıddle of the Bosphorous

I have been travelıng along the Bosphorous for the past 2 hours. We went on a ferry all the way from Galata Brıdge to the Asıan part of Turkey. We reached a small vıllage called Andalonu Kavagı and clımbed a freakıng hıll (ıt was a bloody long clımb) to a castle on top.
What a vıew ıt was!! There have been scenes whıch have taken my breath away and thıs was defınıtely one of them.
Im on my way back, on the sıde of the boat. The sea breeze ıs sweepıng my face lıke a curtaın of salt that caresses your face. I look around and see dolphıns dancıng amıdst the waves, small fıshıng boats and cargo vessels movıng on as part of theır daıly lıves.

I look around me and I see perfectıon. Its lıke tastıng the ıdeal recıpe, made by a master chef... just perfect!

I have been confused about Godş the presence of a creator, or a force or a power that none of us can fathom. But as ı look at the rollıng waves, the green hılls that surround and the sea gulls that soar around ın the skıes.. somewhere, somwhow I feel closer to God..

Istanbul has truly taken my breath away.....

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4th May - Under a bunk bed - Malaga, Spaın

Ive been walkıng for 2 days now. My feet hurt. Every muscle ın my body screams for rest. Ive seen the cıtıes of Madrıd, whıch dıd not ımpress me, Cordoba - a beautıful town whıch seemed to have been stuck ın the 1800s and Malaga - a lovely coastal town wıth lots n lots of walkıng to do..

Its been a roller coaster rıde so far, wıth the lows of Madrıd and the pleasant hıghs (lıterally!) of Malagas castles, but at the end of ıt all, ım havıng fun.

Vıju, Hıran and I were at the Malaga cathedral yesterday nıght - ıt was quıte dark wıth very few people around. We sat besıde one of the fountaıns whıch overlooks the ımposıng cathedral. From one of the corners, we could hear someone playıng the spanısh guıtar.

The surreal settıng brought a myrıad of emotıons ın usç I knew we were feelıng uncomfortable wıth ıt. We dıdnt look at each other and just soaked ın the moment. There was sılence ın the group.

What were we uncomfortable about? Is ıt that uncertaın lıfe that was ahead of us? Is ıt the new stages ın lıfe whıch we wıll be reachıng soon but dıdnt wanna thınk about? Is ıt that deep ınsıde we felt lonely ın thıs gargantous world and dıdnt know what to do about ıt ?

I dıdnt know and ı dont thınk they dıd eıther. But I guess ıt was good because travel ıs all about movıng out of our comfort zones. So ıll embrace the uncomfortableness, kıck my ınner spırıt and push my mınd & body to go where ıve never gone before - farther and farther away.

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5th May - On a traın, somewhere on the Spanısh coastlıne

Ive been travellıng feverıshly for the past 2 days. Was ın Sevılle yesterday and watched a bullfıght - somethıng whıch I wanted to do for a long tıme. I wanted to understand how people can apprecıate such a bloody sport. Inıtıally the cruelty shocked me - but ı have to admıt that ı started to apprecıate the show.

What I dıdnt understand though ıs why the bull has to always dıe ın the end. Even ıf ıts so obvıous ın some fıghts that the matadors traınıng ıs no match for the raw ınstınct of the bull to survıve, the bull ıs overpowered and kılled. There was one such bull, a true warrıor - ıt fought wıth sheer wıllpower and energy. The matador couldnt kıll ıt despıte the multıple blows wıth a spear, arrows and swords. In the end the bull was pushed to a corner by 3 matadors and one of them cut hım open on the neck - to rupture hıs spınal cord. Thıs ıs a surefıre way to kıll the bull as ıt makes ıt lose the sensatıon of ıts body. As expected, the bull collapsed to the ground...

But ıt stood up agaın - ın a fınal surge of wıll power and raw energy . It was the most amazıng spectacle of an anımal,s wıll to survıve the cold and calculated ıntent of humans to kıll ıt. The crowd applauded - however the matador hept slıcıng the bull untıl ıt lost the last drop of lıfe ın ıts body... ıt was carrıed away lıke a rag doll...

Dıd the bull wın? It fought wıth every sıngle muscle and bone .. ıt fought untıl the last drop of blood had draıned ıts body... The bull ıs deadş long lıve the bull..

I guess ın lıfe we are lıke the bull. We fıght wıth whatever we have - gıvıng our everythıng, but ın the end we end up dead, dragged away by schemıng murderers whıle the world applauds our achıevement. Is there glory ın such a death? What ıs glory ıf one ends up dead anyways?

I dont know.. I guess I never wıll. But the ımage of that true warrıor of a bull wıll remaın etched ın my mınd..

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9th May - Near Champs D Elyseess, Parıs

Im hungover and happy. The last few days have been awesome. We mıssed most of our traıns so had to turn our plans around and went to Nıceş Canne and Monaco and skıpped Barca.

Canne was OK for the handprınts of some great fılm makers. I found Kurusawa. Hıran was thrılled that he had the same handprınt as Polanskı!

Monaco was stunnıng for a brıef moment - wıth ıts great yachts, casınos F 1 tracks and wealth. But that was about ıt.

Nıce was the typıcal french beauty - suave and seductıve. We clımbed up a hıll next to the coastlıne and saw the most spectacular vıew of the french rıvıera. In the evenıng we bought tons of beer and drank by the pebbled beach ın nıce. Another moment whıch I dont thınk ı wıll forgetç

Parıs has seduced me and I thınk ı wıll be wıth her for a 1 nıght flıng (lıterally). The beautıful streetsş lıghtsş Champs D Elysees ( ı dnt know why these buggers pronounce ıt dıfferently), Arc D Trıumph and of course the Eıffel!

We had our last evenıng of my Eurotrıp yesterday and we decıded to blow up cash ın a Fench Cafe along the Champs D Elysees.

It was a great evenıng - 3 carefree guys sıppıng wıne on one of the most hıstorıc roads ın Parıs - we realızed that thıs moment ıs not somethıng that can happen oftenç We had our lıttle small talk, phılosophıes (lıfe ıs a bıtch, lıfe ıs a sıesta, lıfe has no dead ends etc etc), and of course plans to make the next trıp happen...
I thınk ıts a nıght whıch ı wıll not forget for a long tımeççç

I thınk I started dreamıng ın technıcolor agaın........

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9th May - Parıs Aırport

The trıp ıs comıng to an end. Oh well, ı guess ıt wasnt a trıp - ıt was a journey. After 14 hours of back breakıng flyıng, ı wıll be back home doıng what ı do everyday.

The last 10 days was a journey for me. I was wıth people ı knew but personally ıt was a journey to redıscover myselfç My lıfe was goıng through a complıcated patch - a patch when u keep runnıng around ın cırcles wıth nothıng more to do. A patch when ıt appears as ıf you are lıvıng an accomplıshed lıfe but there ıs somethıng gnawıng away ın a deep, dark corner of my mınd. The patch was takıng over me, leavıng me wıth more questıons than answers and the harder I trıed gettıng the answers, the more questıons I got...

As I look back at the past 10 days, I have memorıes - memorıes of places, people, sıghts, sounds, smells and experıences. It was hard - clımbıng countless hılls, walkıng for mıles wıthout sleep for days, but the memorıes that came wıth ıt have brought me a lıttle closer to pease of mınd. A sense of calmness on havıng experıences a small portıon of the world,s ıncredıble beauty ıs prevaılıng ın me...

I dont expect ıt to last, though. I have more questıons now than ever before. I guess my lıfe ıs all about zıllıons of questıon marks - the prıce you pay for beıng a curıous wanderer.

Couple of thıngs that the journey has helped me fıgure out ıs that:

Lıfe ıs not about lookıng at the future and tryıng to fıgure ıt out. Lıfe ıs about lıvıng ın the moment - enjoyıng every sıngle breath ın our body and mınd to make our exıstence ın thıs world enjoyable and meanıngful

Lıfe ıs not about 5 year plans - ıts about lıttle sweet memorıes that come by your every day and ıt depends on us to make these memorıes ınto beautıful elementsç

Lıfe ıs not about fıgurıng out answers to all questıons - ıts about askıng more questıons and enjoyıng the journey to fınd out the answers. Its about clıngıng on to the curıosıty ın our mınds untıl the last breath of our exıstence.

Lıfe ıs about lovıng and trustıng and belıevıng ın ourselves. There ıs no one else ın the world who knows you better than you do. So ıt doesnt matter what the world thınks - as long as you know what you are doıng wıll make you a happıer person - you should make those decısıonsç

Lastly, lıfe ıs a journey - ıts not about standıng stıll and watchıng the world move around u. Its about feelıng and experıencıng the world and what ıs beyond ıt.

My lıfe ıs changıng ın more ways than one. There wıll be questıons that are left unanswered, events that may seem unfaır, battles that mıght seem lost, fears and uncertaınıtıes that wıll grıp me by the tentavles and pull me ınto self doubt and pıty...

But ı must be the curıous wanderer - enjoyıng every moment as ıt happens to me.. trustıng and belıevıng ın myself... askıng questıons.. experıencıng the world and movıng on to a new day.. every day...

Maybe I too can make a small mıracle out of the exıstence on thıs world...

Albums:
Turkey
Spain
France

To click or not to click...

2008-04-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

Ok... Ive run out of stuff to write for this week, so i decided to do some random photography... Borrowed a SLR from a friend, went to the nearby park and clicked some pics... Now i need some VERY HONEST feedback from you guys... I wanna know the following things:

1. Should i get an SLR camera for myself and take this a lil more seriously, or shud i just stick to writing random stuff?

2. Any tips on how to improve the images? I am a complete novice at this..

Your feedback would change my life forever...
Naa.. i just wanted to sound like one of those American/Indian/Timbuktoo Idol contestants...

I might take this up even if u guys said I sucked.. but again thats just me.. :)

Couple of pics which i think turned out well...

Whole album at: My multiply link

The Stranger in the Mirror.....

2008-03-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

There is a stranger in the mirror....
I have seen him very regularly.. almost everyday... but still i dont know who he is... I look carefully.... i can recognize the face...
the scars from earlier days...
the memories flash by....
but i still dont know who he is...
or why he is here...
or what his place in the world is....
Is the stranger in the mirror really me?

Today is easter... This was to be like any other easter which i have had... but i guess life has changed .. i have changed... and of course the world has been introduced to wikipedia...

Easter at home was always a time for countless hours in church, followed by good food from mom... Well i guess staying away from home kinda rips u away from those luxuries and makes u ask some fundamental questions.. and my questions went to the person who single handedly changed the way the world looks - Jesus ....

I did a little bit of reading of Jesus on wikipedia... I was not interested in the divine part of it... being a Christian, i have been exposed to it many times.. i wanted to know the historical Jesus... the information which comes with proof and not just hearsay or religious references.

Jesus is the only prophet who has been referred to in all historical scriptures. Christianity calls him the son of God, Islam calls him a learned prophet, there are also references to him in Hindu scripts. All the scriptures talk about different instances in his life... but there are 2 instances which have been confirmed with historical proof.

The first is Jesus' baptism when he was 30 by John the Baptist... It is mentioned that once Jesus was baptised.. the heavens opened up and the holy spirit descended in the form of a dove. However the right translation is that the holy spirit descended on HIM in the form of a dove... I guess this was the symbolism for a divine inspiration which Jesus received during the baptism.

The second instance is the crucification of Jesus by Pontius Pilate. Jesus was subjected to the worst ever punishment possible in those days...

The reason why i mentioned these 2 points is because there is undeniable proof that Jesus was a prophet who received a divine inspiration and believed in it so much that he was willing to go through the worst ever punishment for that...

Jesus had realized his place in this world... he knew who he was and why he was in this world... and he knew it so well that he was willing to die for the reason why he was in this world....

How do people realize their place in the world? I look at myself in the mirror everyday and I dont know my place... Why am I here? What is the purpose of my existence? I am quite sure that even Jesus had a period in his life when he searched for his place in the world.. I am sure he had period of self doubt... when he wanted to be like the others.. be comforted by anonymity.. being part of the crowd... just living a normal, peaceful existence.... But what made him change all that? what convinced him to realize what he was here for... and spread his message one person at a time... till it spread across the world...

On this day of Easter....I stand in awe in front of this person...
I still dont know who the stranger in the mirror is...

The intent of the post is not to "humanize" or remove the divinity of Jesus.. I have merely explored one great quality in him.

The Human Spirit or the naked ape....

2008-03-02T04:53:00.000-08:00

Ive been staring at the walls for an hour now... i wanna write, but i don't know what to.... My heart wants to say a million words... words of anger, of regret of sadness and desperation... and still words of happiness and joy and hope... but still my mind doesn't see these words, its too jumbled for my mind to make a logical sense of them all... and my mind struggles to understand my heart.. what it wants, what it craves for.. and what sense it makes... maybe my mind will understand.. someday....

Ok, that was pretty random.. but i just put it there cuz i couldnt stop typing..

Ive been exposed to 2 different schools of thought recently... Ive been reading this book called The Naked Ape by Desmond Morris. The book is a scientific study of the human animal as any other species by a zoologist. The book explains why humans behave the way they do, whether it is thinking, or sex or romance or parenting, teh book describes every single emotion, action and thought of the human animal as a result of the evolutionary process. We are just another animal who had the brain overdeveloped as the organ to kill, just like the cheetah has strong legs and the lion has strong jaws...

The book is quite interesting and disturbing... It fascinates you, because everything that the author says makes sense... but it disturbs you cuz everything he says makes too much sense... The emotions, thoughts, beliefs and actions which we believed as so pure and important in our lives have been relegated into mere evolutionary process to make the species grow and survive in this world... It is a disturbing thought, but still the book does make us realize where we are in the larger scheme of things....

But does it make me look at the world in a different light? It did, for a few days... but then things changed.. the human being cannot just be any other animal...

I had been to the Philippines again on work... As part of the work schedule, we end up meeting consumers in their homes... Philippines is one of the poorest countries in the world... most of the families we met live in slums.. the mom we meet would have had her first child when she was 16,17 years old (Philippines being a catholic country, contraception is not promoted and child pregnancies are common).. she would have 3-4 kids and by the time she is 30, her husband leaves her for another woman.. she doesnt have the money to fend for herself or her family. The home she lives in is exposed to regular catastrophes like floods, earthquakes, typhoons...

In spite of all this, she welcomes us with a warm smile on her face.. she does not know how to survive the next day for her kids, but she is still happy... she will work, borrow and stay hungry to feed her kids.. to make sure that they are educated well.. She doesnt curse fate, she doesnt wither away.. she doesnt give up.. she takes up everyday as a day of opportunity.. a new beginning for her and her family..

I saw a movie yesterday.. its called "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly". Its the true story of Jean-Dominique Bauby, the author of Elle Magazine, who suffered a stroke and was in Coma. When he woke up, he was paralyzed from head to toe, all he could do was move his left eyelid...

He figured out a way to communicating by by blinking when the correct letter was reached by a person slowly reciting the alphabet over and over again. The first sentence he said in this way was "I want Death". But far from it, he used this way of communication to write a book by the same name. Bauby had to compose and edit the book entirely in his head, and convey it one letter at a time. To make dictation more efficient, Bauby had his interlocutor read from a special alphabet which consisted of the letters ordered in accordance with their frequency in the French language. The book was published in France in 1997. Bauby died just ten days later of heart failure.

Break the leg of any animal and I can bet you it will die in a matter of days. Make a human completely paralyzed with the ability to just blink 1 eyelid... he will survive and author a book. Put an animal away from a water source and it will die, put a human family in abject poverty with nothing to hold on to, but still they will survive and drive joy from the smallest things in life...

Humans cannot be any other animal... they are different because they have something that is completely different from all other species... Religion calls it god, Christianity calls it the Holy Spirit, scientists call it the survival instinct, whatever it may be called.. none can deny that there is that something which exists in the human race which makes him so special...

I believe that what makes humans special is something called HOPE... Its a small 4 lettered word... which has pretty straightforward definitions in the dictionary, but it creates so much of a difference to so many lives... Its the hope of a better tomorrow that makes the mother in the slum in the Philippines wake up every day with a smile.. Its the hope of waking up one day able to move and be healthy that made Jean Dominique talk to the world by blinking his eyelid.. Along with hope, comes dreams, aspirations, ambitions, targets and achievements... but it all starts from that hope... for a better tomorrow....

I believe that the Human Animal is a Naked ape... A species called homosapiens... a monkey who can walk... who somewhere along the line.. found HOPE....

The Killing Joke...

2008-02-02T21:12:00.000-08:00

OK... Im back from my best friend's wedding celebration (read 3 whole days and nights of alcohol in a hotel room in kovalam) in Kerala, working my ass off to convince my boss that i earn my salary to do work and not just attend wedding celebrations and suffering from a flu due to the heady mix of alcohol and soap selling with a tinge of insomnia for the last one week... The long winded sentence is essentially trying to convince or confuse you guys as to why i could not blog over the past week... anyways.. so thats that...

Heath Ledger is dead... Long live heath ledger... That was the message screaming out of tabloids, movie sites and other random sites all over last 2 weeks. Everyone talked about his memorable portrayals in Brokeback mountain and The Patriot.. Everyone said what a great actor he was,, he understood cinema, had ambitions to direct and even had directed a short film and a couple of music videos by himself.. He was on the way to be one of the greatest actors in Hollywood history, a star in the making... when it all came crashing down one fine day in his fourth-floor Broome Street apartment in the SoHo neighborhood of New York City.

Initial autopsy reports claimed he died in his sleep... with prescription medication at the side... The image was of a person who seemed to have decided to peacefully leave the world at the peak of his career... but was that the case?? I believe that the Joker killed Heath Ledger, mercilessly.. with his Killing Joke....

Ok , before u think that Ive gone nuts too, here's the reason why i believe so...

Heath Ledger had just finished playing the character which would surely immortalize him in the minds of millions of movie buffs and comic book fans.. He had played the role of the Joker, the arch rival of Batman, in his new movie "The Dark Knight". Director Christopher Nolan claimed that Ledger had made the most realistic portrayal of the Joker yet.. something which even the great Jack Nicholson could not do....

All of the villains in the Batman comics are weird and psychotic in special ways.. and the battle in most of the books is not between bodies or super powers... it is between sanity and insanity... between reason and lack of it... or sanity and super sanity.... However amongst all the villains in the Batman series, the Joker has been the most powerful and has caused the greatest damage to Batman's life... weird when u look at him, he is a lanky goofy guy who doesnt have super powers or a lot of money...

What makes him deadly is that he has only 1 emotion, happiness.. and he extracts joy from killing people and destroying everything in his path.. He does not have a conscience and gets a sick, maniacal joy in seeing sorrow in other's lives... The Joker defines it not as insanity, but as super sanity... the capability to remove all emotions in the human to just 1 emotion - happiness.. which, technically is what everyone wants... The quest of an ordinary person to attain eternal happiness resulted in the Joker...

Now, the reason for me giving so much background on the Joker is because it was this character that Health Ledger got under the skin of, for around a year.. a character he played in the working hours and got back to his girlfriend and child in the evening time... We all know how we work, no matter how hard we try, our work life does get into our personal life.. we have a bad day at work, we tend to be grumpy at home... Get a promotion and ul be nice to your loved ones.. But what if an actor, got into a character so much... identified with the character to such a great depth that he starts BEING the character, living the character in real life....

Bringing your work home might be a trivial thing for normal soap sellers like me, but what is the case for an actor who has to play a homicidal maniac for a year and try not to bring his work back home?

Signs of Heath falling prey to the character trap were visible much earlier... he got separated from his girlfriend and child... He complained of insomnia.. and was into medication for getting proper sleep... there were rumours that he was into drugs... maybe to stay sane.. maybe to get the Joker out of his head....

When actor Jack Nicholson, who played The joker in tim Burton's Batman was asked about his reaction to Health Ledger's death.. he said "I warned him.. he didnt listen"

And so, the Joker claimed his first victim in real life... the person who had dedicated to bring the character to life... so that the world could see, fell victim to the same character through the Killing Joke... He tried to immortalize the character, but he realized that he is a mere mortal...

The next time you guys bring the emotions and the feelings from work back to your personal lives, make sure that even you guys dont fall prey to the Killing Joke...

Rest in Peace - Heath Ledger...

Spread the word?

2008-01-07T07:18:00.000-08:00

I am a Christian...
Why am I one? Well I was born as a Christian.. i guess for the past 7-8 generations we have been Christians.. but somewhere down the line (or up the line rather) around 52 AD when St Thomas set foot on the shores of India, my forefathers who were Hindus would have converted their faith to Christianity....

I dont know what would have made them choose Christianity as a religion. I dont know if things would have been different had they not. Frankly I dont think things would have been very different, except for the fact that I can eat meat easily now :)

So if all of us mallu christians, and most of the christians in the Asian region have been converted to the religion at some point of time or the other, why is it that a discussion on the same topic raises huge furore amongst both the christian as well as the non christian communities?

Religious conversion has always been a topic which has confused and fascinated me... Beyond the points about religious freedom, protecting ones own culture, christian missionaries being CIA agents etc etc. there are some fundamental questions which havent been answered till now.

On what basis can people who promote religious conversion compare between different forms of religion? Religion is a personal belief in a supernatural force. Its a form of faith in some sort of power that helps guide our lives to a better end. It gives humans hope, something which helps mankind to exist in the most difficult of circumstances. In such a scenario, how does it matter what sort of religion you follow to achieve that state where you are filled with hope for a better future? People who promote religious conversion have been accused of promoting their religious practices as the sure-fire way to achieve "salvation" or "heaven" or a better "after-life" experience. I believe that every religion achieves the same purpose; and there is no "better" way to get to a "higher status" with God.

Why is religion about a community and numbers and not about a personal belief and experience? Why is it that we still keep track of the number of people from a particular religion versus others? Why do we strive to build bigger churches, taller temples, wider mosques? When and how did religion become a collective movement? I am not well read, but as far as I know, all religions try to inform the individual on how to lead a better life. Religion as a collective movement to express solidarity and strength of one group of individuals versus others is more of a man-made phenomenon. If that is the case then how does it matter if x% of people in 1 religion move to another?

When does charity end and convincing begin? Religious establishments have helped the world and society in many ways - schools, hospitals, charitable trusts etc from all religions have helped in raising the levels of education and health care in society. But when these movements start driving their agenda to the people who come in contact with it, the charity becomes no longer charity, but more of an agenda that is being drilled down the minds of the people.

I guess the topic is a bit too over my head to put it into 1 blog entry, the more i think about it the more questions come up, with answers which i dont know and i may not be able to figure out....

Season's Greetings!!

2007-12-26T17:45:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

Wish u all a merry christmas and a Happy and Prosperous 2008!

Im at Kerala now, do buzz me on gmail in case any of you are around..

The bearded guy.. the bad guy....

2007-12-08T23:09:00.000-08:00

After a long gap of a few weeks, life is back to normal for me... With sis n family having left town, I have my room, my bed, my comp and my SPACE back again! It was great having them around, but i guess after 8 years of living by yourself, individual space does matter most..

So anyways, decided to go for a movie yesterday, and locked on a movie "The Kingdom". The previews seemed interesting. An unflinching look at the Middle East conflict, a Gulf movie made after the US invasion of Iraq, a good starcast (Jennifer Garner!) etc etc.

What I saw was quite different from what I expected.. well actually I should have expected it. Americans get killed in Saudi, Bad Ass Americans fly into the desert, Bad Ass Americans whoop Arab ass, The Saudi bad guys and good guys get killed. Bad Ass american doesnt even scratch his Ray Ban glasses.. US Flag flies in the background.. movie ends....

DUH!!!

I am guessing what the producers of the movie would hav given as a brief to the director - Make most use of American paranoia of the Arab and Muslim world and make money out of it.
Only place in the middle east where these guys can shoot a movie - Saudi Arabia.. quickly cook up a story around it.. Make a Saudi good guy also so that the movie doesnt get too much controversy... and release....

The commercialization of the American's lack of knowledge of the Arab world is so evident throughout the movie.. Even the largely expat crowd in the movie hall were goin aah and ooh when they saw images of Saudi Arabia for the first time... The director uses detailed scenes of suicide bomb making and ensures that he shows lots of kids and an old mullah who keeps calling the name of Allah as the face of the terrorist.

The worst portion was a scene where the terrorists kidnap one of the badass americans and start shooting a video of him with a knife at his throat. It is so obvious that the director was trying to depict a Daniele Pearl like execution scene and create fear in the minds of the viewers... What is quite ironic is that when the good guys enter the scene and slit the throat of the terrorists, the crowd which was cringing till that point, starts to cheer....

Movies like these do no help in improving the situation as is now.. The bearded guy, the muslim, the arab is being slowly branded as the bad guy... and the americans are the good guys.. who know it all and who can kick ass and drive away into the sunset, guns blazing...

Beyond Fox news, beyond Al Jazeera, beyond all the biased views of spin doctors in the US and in the Arab states, people must realize that cinema as a medium is the one which is being seen by more kids & teenagers across the world.. cinema of this sort will not help in bringing 2 communities together.. it merely results in communication gaps, mis-information and hate...

So anyways that was my 2 cents... wanted to share with u guys one more thing...

What if you are a professor, who had 2 more months to live and had to give your last lecture to your students? What would you say? Well this is Dr. Randy Pausch, professor at CMU who is sufferring from pancreatic cancer and knows that he will live only for 2 months more. He gave his last lecture to his students. The lecture, which is for around 1.5 hours.. is inspiring to say the least... watch it and look at life in a whole new way....

Have a great week folks! :)

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3115188410730134929

Round and round we go....

2007-11-11T07:36:00.000-08:00

Traveling in a cab in Singapore can be quite an interesting experience... I know that the place can get quite mundane for many, hence it is pretty important to take these small pleasures from these experiences in ur life...

In India getting a cab could be a varied experience.. I remember in Calcutta, the cab driver would drop us from Joka to the city only if he had finished his afternoon nap, done his chit chatting with friends, had his evening tea and did not have any other reason to lounge around.. After all these, he would agree to drop u only if he was in a good mood.. money didnt matter.. well i guess thats the way Bengal worked...

In Mumbai, its a mad rush... u have to literally stand in the middle of the street and block the cabs way to make him drop u off someplace. He could refuse if it didnt make financial sense... but in general the cab drivers there are a pleasant lot...

In Bangalore, getting into a cab or an auto is like walking into a gay bar in ur underwear.. u know ur gonna get raped, its just a question of how bad its gonna be. So you fight back until u cant anymore and pay whatever the guy asks for in the end...

In Trivandrum, if there is one thing which auto drivers need, its RESPECT. As long as u treat them like a cross between Mohanlal and Micheal Schumacher, they'll treat you well, otherwise they can give you a rough time..

Anyways.. so overall, taxi rides in India , just like most other things ..are fairly unpredictable.. It can be majorly irritating when you are in a hurry but at the end of it all, you start liking the unpredictability. Its like a small adventure in itself... a new experience, a new person everytime.. something new to talk to or fight about.. somethin new to take away.. an empty wallet maybe, but good thoughts...

Anyways its from this background that Padakkam arrived in Singapore.. Well and the experience has been... hmm.. how do i put it.... interesting?

If there is one thing to say about cab services in Singapore.. it is systematic (predictable?) .. cabs can be accessed via mobile, internet and the good ol fashioned way of flagging one.. You can pay by credit card if you want, get a specific model of car (Toyotas to Mercs).. the works...

The following is a collage of conversations which I have had with cab drivers in Singapore..
Note, we call cab drivers in singapore "Uncle" Its a sign of respect.. and well most of the cab drivers are uncles...

Situation 1: Late night, very few cabs... me and my friend needs to go to our homes, in Newton and Balestier.. we get only 1 cab and we decide to go to 2 places...

Me: Uncle, need to go to Newton first and then to Ballestier

Uncle: No... cannot lah...

Me: Why?

Uncle: Well, Balestier is too empty place what... will not get any more trips from there...

Me: Ok, then go to Balestier first, then come to Newton...

Uncle thinks... and thinks.....

Uncle: Cannot lah......

Me: Why?

Uncle: Newton comes before Balestier...

Me: Thats ok.. im paying you right?

Uncle: Aiyaah.. still cannot lah....

Drives away... leaving us in the lurch...

Scenario 2: I need to go to this restaurant in Eunos, which is quite far away... Im not very sure where the place is... and im really really late....

Me: Uncle need to go to Restaurant X in Street Y in Eunos

Uncle: I dont know the place what! .. starts panicking...

Me: Well, u know Eunos right..

Uncle: Ya - lah

Me: U know Street Y

Uncle : Ya-lah

Me: Well then wats the problem

Uncle: I dont know where the restaurant is lah!

Me: Well you could go there and ask someone...

Uncle looks at me as I was retarded.. the thought of going to a destination without knowing where it is sends shivers down his spine...

He calls his hotline number.. doesnt get thru. takes this big fat book out and opens page after page of maps .. finally locates the road on the map.. there is some other restaurant mentioned there, he asks me if this is the one... i say yes.. he seems pretty pleased with himself that he has figured it all out and we go... after 15 mins of map searching for him and soul searching for me...

Some tips while travelling in cabs in Singapore...

1. Use simple clear instructions. Never allow the driver to make a decision.. it makes him panic and confused

2. Be very clear on where you want to go.. Read it up on the internet, write down clear addresses and give him that. If you dont have an address, DO NOT tell him that.. make up some address nearby and go from there..

3. Use "lah", "aiyah" and "what" liberally. Cab drivers tend to have a better sense of belonging with you if both of you talk the same language.

4. Tell in advance whether if you have multiple stops.. cab drivers tend to react pretty weirdly if you tell them later...

5. No matter what. do NOT loose your patience. It merely aggravates the situation. Counting to 10 in your mind or thinking about your favorite song can help ...

6. Always keep a walkman/ipod ready... if the cab driver starts cribbing on how unfair we are in giving locations, ways to go etc. you can just plug it in.. helps point 5 too

7. All cab drivers will ask you (usually 1 min after starting) which way you want to go to to reach your destination. DO NOT tell him "i dont know" .. even worse DO NOT ask him "which is quicker" - he will start giving you a laundry list of advantages and disadvantages of travelling on either route and he will never come to a conclusion.. remember that the meter is already ticking while you are wasting precious time doing this... Just tell him some way and hope that it will help you reach the destination...

8. Always keep sneakers ready... if you completely flip, just say thanks and walk to your destination.. its healthier, reduces global warming and definitely helps you have peace of mind!

Enjoy ur ride!

Please note that this does not intend to disparage the Singapore cab services in anyway.. They are one of the best services across the world in terms of punctuality and service. The writer is merely used to a more ancient system of transportation....

A vision... that killed 3 million

2007-10-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

Cambodia... a country which makes a thousand images flash through your mind. From the gigantic and awe inspiring temples of Angkor on one side to the thousands of skulls from the Killing Fields on the other. From beautiful mountains & waterfalls to images of war, torture and the name of the biggest maniac in the 21st century - Pol Pot.

A visit to the country last week helped me re-live the images that came to my mind. The country seemed like any other South East Asian nation, however as one went deeper, talked to the people, it was obvious that this was a country that was slowly recovering from a terrible, terrible past which was worse than the worst nightmares that any of us have ever seen in our lives....

The first testament to this is the S-21 or the Toul Sleng Genocide Museum in downtown Phnom Penh. The building was a high school, which was converted to a prison and imprisoned 17000 people from 1975 to 1979. By 1980, only 7 came out alive - the rest were tortured, beaten and then killed - first by shooting and then by beating them up because the Khmer did not want to waste bullets on them.

The torture system at Tuol Sleng was designed to make prisoners confess to whatever crimes they were charged with by their captors. Prisoners were routinely beaten and tortured with electric shocks, searing hot metal instruments and hanging, as well as through the use of various other devices. Some prisoners were cut with knives or suffocated with plastic bags. Other methods for generating confessions included pulling out fingernails while pouring alcohol on the wounds or holding prisoners’ heads under water.

The prison has one of the most extensive pictures of the prisoners before and after torture. The images of men, women, children; mothers with their babies stare from the stark walls of the room.. one wonders what was in their mind at that time, some show horror, some shock, some resignation to their fate and some plain indifference to what they were facing. One picture that really struck me was the image of a young woman, with her infant by her side... The expression on her face is something which will haunt me for years...

The most shocking fact about the place is not the torture instruments, or techniques or the images and skulls on display, but the fact that the whole prison was actually a school, with classrooms and blackboards, playgrounds and lunch rooms. The irony of a place of learning and growth being converted into a place of such inhuman torture and destruction just numbs the soul.....

Once the Khmer wasnt able to accommodate enough dead bodies in the s21 area, the prisoners were transferred to Cheoung Ek (The Killing Fields). Prisoners were hoarded here in groups, had to dig their own graves and were beaten to death. Women and children were stripped naked and sometimes beheaded before being buried. The killing fields contain the memorial for the Pol Pot era. A building with 12 floors of skulls of the dead, classified based on age. There are skulls of humans less than 12 years old... One wonders how humans could commit such acts of barbarism in our day and age...

So what made Pol Pot and his Democratic Party of Kampuchea commit such a huge crime? Was he a devil in disguise? Was he the true anti christ, the quintessential bad guy? Actually... no. He was just as ordinary as you or me.. He had a vision of actually helping Cambodia to grow and it was his vision that lead to one of the biggest mass murders in recent history.

Pol Pot espoused a mixture of radical ideologies, the so-called "Anka" Doctrine, adapted to Khmer nationalism. Envisaging a primitive egalitarian agrarianism, the Khmer Rouge favored a temporary return to a completely agrarian society to the point that all modern technological contrivances were banned except when approved by the inner party leadership. The return to the land was intended to purify the people as a whole and create a basis for a new communist society which would eventually return to modern technology.

To put it simply, Pol Pot wanted to create a society where everyone was a farmer and did not depend on anyone else for his daily meal. For this he displaced millions from the capital city of Pnohm Penh to inner farm lands. He killed anyone who was or appeared to be an intellectual (educated), trader, businessman or un interested in farming. He was against any form of technological development and allowed only daily rations to each family.

Pol Pot's vision was justifiable and honorable. He wanted to create a Utopian state where everyone was equal and the whole state developed. He wanted to free Cambodia from the shackles of tyrannical rule and transfer the power to the common man.

However where he failed was in the way he executed his vision. As time progressed, he became victim to the basic principle that communism or socialism perceives not to be true - that although the state would want society to be equal, human being within society will not want to be equal. Human beings have a natural instinct to protect their power, wealth and hence their individuality. Pol Pot fell a victim to the power her was enjoying and misused the power to execute his vision in the most catastrophic of manners....

Is Cambodia the biggest example of socialism gone wrong? Or is it the biggest example of 1 man's vision gone completely wrong? The debate continues... but one thing is very clear... the world must learn from the mistakes it made in the past and history must not repeat itself.. We cannot afford to have another Cambodia in our midst....

PS: Some more cheerful pics of Angkor Wat and Phnom Penh can be found here:

http://padakkam.multiply.com/photos/album/10/
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5604&l=1c48f&id=513308769
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5610&l=976b3&id=513308769

Reality or Voyeurism?

2007-09-15T02:40:00.000-07:00

Firstly, extremely sorry about the delay in the posts... I was in Manila last week and caught a bad strain of flu... forcing me to be stuck in my hotel room for 2 days n 2 nights flat, with just the tv as company... Hence the delay in posting....

Now getting back to what I was saying... Filipino TV is reality TV heaven. Most kids in Philippines learn to say Big Brother or Banker or Wawaweee or No Deal before they can say Momma. Almost all the top rated US reality TV shows by Endemol hav Filipino versions.

From the outside, it looks like harmless entertainment - a fad that will come and go.. but as you look deeper you realize that the reality TV that I was used to seeing is fast changing its scope.
The reality TV which I can remember is KBC - (Who wants to be a millionare in Hindi) - It matched wits to emotional trauma. It was entertaining, informative and yet dignified. There was also American Idol, Apprentice etc etc, which were actually pretty good shows.

However the Reality TV shows i saw the Manila were very different. It was less of entertainment and more of exploitation. It was a sick voyeuristic sort of entertainment in seeing single moms from poor families, whose husbands have deserted them struggling to make a living and hoping for game shows to give them that instant wealth. The anchors and the cameras make all sorts of excuses to make the woman cry her heart out. Case in point - the Filipino version of Deal or No Deal I saw, the participant was a woman with 2 kids whose husband had deserted her and gone abroad. The anchor, a very popular Filipino actress, constantly encouraging her to send a message to her husband, her kids.. and even requesting her to beg to the banker to give her a better deal... Cmon... even a toddler knows that the deals are set on the basis of an pre-defined algorithm.. it has nothin to do with how many kids or husbands the player has!

The woman was sobbing and wailing throughout the show, the anchor seemed to have not an iota of conscience or regret... audiences across the Philippines (including me) watched and clapped for joy when she won some money and that was it...

How different is this form of entertainment versus the gladiators in Rome? Yes.. they had to face physical mutilation and death there, but arent we giving a similar sort of mental mutilation to the participants... Also what happens when society starts hoping on "miracles" like reality TV to give them good fortune... ? An incident happened in the Philippines in 2006 which went unnoticed in international media...

On February 4, 2006, about 30,000 people had gathered outside the PhilSports stadium to participate in the first anniversary episode of the popular ABS-CBN early afternoon television game show, Wowowee. It was scheduled at 1 pm. The football stadium was supposed to be the viewing area of people who were not able to enter the basketball stadium, where the program was supposed to be staged. The size of the crowd was significantly larger than the usual 5,000 who attended previous recordings (although the previous recordings were held at ABS-CBN studios).

It was the show's first anniversary event, and there were prizes offered including jeepneys (Philippine jitney bus), taxis and a top prize of one million pesos. According to a Philippine Daily Inquirer report, most of the victims were from the poorest parts of the Metropolitan Manila and nearby provinces, generally jobless and attracted by the show's promise of instant wealth.

This is what happens when reality TV starts getting too "real". It gets into the heads of people , leading to a form of society that becomes very escapist, non -realistic and non-decisive.

The reason why I am writing this article now, is because this new FORM of reality TV (I would say the ones made by Endemol) has entered Indian territory. Big Boss was a big success, Deal ya No Deal is still running and new shows are on the way. Although I havent seen this level of emotional exploitation in the Indian shows, it is just a matter of time before someone starts doin the Kyunki---- route for the reality TVs also.

So what do we do about all this?

Well for starters, stop watching such crappy shows and use more of the internet :)
Secondly, try to find out ways to break the code... for example, if you guys have seen Deal or No Deal, its very very obvious that its a very simple probability problem.

Find the value that you can expect to earn based on the number of remaining suitcases and their associated cash amounts. Not surprisingly, this is the expected value.

At the beginning of Deal or No Deal, the contestant is presented with 26 suitcases that contain the amounts shown in the previous image, and the expected value can be calculated from the following equation:

E(x) = (0.1*1/26)+(1*1/26)+(5*1/26)

If no cases have been opened, then this value computes to approximately $131,477.54 (for the US version).

You mathematicians out there will already have noticed that the expected value for Deal or No Deal is simply the arithmetic mean, or more simply, the average dollar amount remaining in the cases. Risk aside, accepting a “deal” for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a gutless, weak decision, and the contestant should be ridiculed accordingly. However ALWAYS the banker gives the contestant a deal which is significantly higher than the mean - thats when you close the deal and call it a game.

Now this should also match with how the mean is weighted. For example, if the contestant has 5 cases left that contain the following amounts: $100, $400, $1000, $50,000, and $300,000. The banker has offered her a cool $80,000 to get the hell off stage,what should she do?

A quick calculation reveals that the mean of the remaining amounts is $70,300. The banker’s offer is $80,000, which represents only roughly a 13.8% increase over the mean.

Look a little closer at the reality of the situation. 80% of the remaining briefcases have at least $30,000 less than the banker’s proposed amount in them. The only guaranteed way she can do better than the proposed amount is to actually be holding the $300,000 case, because if she were to remove more cases and reveal amounts less than $300,000, the banker’s offer would likely go up to compensate for the increasing mean. Keep in mind, however, that there’s only a 20% probability of this happening!

So there you take a judgement call and close the deal.

Get more people to know about it.. and someday, someone will walk into Deal ya no Deal with a calculator and walk out with a smirk on his/her face... trust me, that will spell doom for the reality TV industry..

Till then... ill manage with my laptop and my comic collection...

60 years... What we've done...

2007-08-18T20:09:00.000-07:00

Yet another independence day has passed by... Im guessing people would have spent it by sitting at home .. watching the cricket match or gone for Chak De India.. felt all pumped up about being Indian... and gone back to their daily lives....

I am in a foreign land, but still I see a difference in the way we treat Independence these days... I vividly remember the 50th Independence day celebrations as a student, it was an occasion of great achievement. India as a country was relieved to have survived 50 years of its existence.

I guess at 60, things have changed.. we are used to living the good life... We know we are among the best in the world and dont need any level of self assurance about that. Most of my friends working in IT companies went for work on the 15th cuz their counterparts in other countries were still working... It shows that people today are more concerned about the future versus mulling over the past and basking in our own achievements...

Looking back in the past 60 years... from a layman's point of view, what is that I am proud of?
I am proud that when anyone in the world needs help on the phone, they will hear an indian voice on the other end.. we are the world's helpline (we even came in Transformers, i guess the first Indian appearance in a blockbuster Hollywood movie for reasons other than eating snakes)
I am proud that my friends from other countries have heard about Bangalore and Cyberabad and Infosys and not just the Taj Mahal and snakes and Himalayas...
I am proud to see Bajaj Pulsar's zipping around the streets of Singapore and Manila, side by side with the Yamahas and the Hondas of the world...
I am proud that Hard Rock Cafe Mumbai is the best club I have EVER seen...
I am proud that my friends have started asking how to spell Bharti or Satyam to invest their stocks in..
Most of all ... I am proud of the people... the guys n gals I see around me... Something about them makes me feel that we have the resilience and the strength to handle anything in our path...

Having said all that, there are issues which go unnoticed year on year.. Issues which have been plaguing the country since time immemorial. I saw one of the TV shows on India which came in the BBC last week, and key issues which were discussed were, bad infrastructure, lack of wider roads, lack of good international airports etc etc.
I do agree that these are issues, and these are the issues that are cried hoarse by net savvy citizens like u or me... However arent we skimming the surface when we talk these as the key issues for the country in the future?

As IT/Service Industry professionals, one point which we gotta remember is that we are just 23% of the work force in the country (actually IT is only <10%, the rest being from services industry). But 60% of the Indian GDP comes from services. 65% of the work force in the country is still in agriculture. But only 17% of Indian GDP comes from agriculture. Hence for short term gains, it makes sense to invest in the IT industry and tap on the growth further. But that would mean that we will need to provide employment for roughly 60% of Indian work force in the IT /services industry and import food from abroad (very very implausible and risky option) or build the agricultural industry in the same way that we built the IT industry.

But what are we doing to promote the agricultural industry in the country? Why is it that even now we have only Amul as a true foods company that has helped the lives of thousands? Why is it that corporates have always shied away from entering into a processed foods industry? Is it because of the draconian rules we have in the system or the lack of will to tap into a goldmine of a opportunity ?

However to bring in efficiencies and scale into the agricultural industry , we will need to do more than plant the seeds and pray to mother nature for rains... It comes with educating people at the grassroot level on the right methodologies for farming, getting scale in terms of purchasing power and tying up with the right organizations to ensure that the farmers get the best deal...

But to do all this, something fundamentally has to be ratified... The PM proclaimed proudly that they would invest 25000 crores to ensure employment for farmers. But what is the point in employing farmers for a year or two if they dont have the basic education or knowledge to look at their land and their efforts as investments for the future? How much has the government ever invested in primary education? The PM also proclaimed that we will open 8 new IITs, 7 new IIMs etc etc. They all make sense, but what level of investment and resources go into building the primary schools, investing in adult literacy programs in the country? Literacy does build equality in society.. Kerala is definitely an example for that...

Well i guess I can say all this sitting from my "ivory" tower (which is on the 10th floor. However, I guess the fact remains that at 60 years, we are at one of our strongest ever positions, which gives us the best opportunity to correct fundamental issues about the country....

By the way Chak De India is an awesome movie.. and I guess watching it gave me the inspiration to write this stuff :)

Finally.. a break :)

2007-07-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

Its been a year since i joined my company. Its been great fun n all that jazz, but I needed a break.
And boy.. did I get one...
After thousands of deliberations, proposals and counter proposals.. the mallu gang at IIMC (MnZ for short) decided that it was time for a reunion. The venue - Goa. Well, with the monsoon in all its fury, a trip to Goa seemed least likely to happen, but we decided anyways.

We (Gagman, Blojo, Dermi, Skuz, Jaaran, Hiran and me) reached Goa on Sat aftie.. we had stocked up on "fuel" for ourselves (both global n local) and after an initial round of beers we hit a nearby beach...

Next day we rented out cars and hit a very old Fort Chepora, which was made famous by Dil Chahtha Hai.. Its a quaint place far away from the touristy beaches .. The place is gorgeous.. Its on a cliff with the sea on 3 sides and u can walk till the edge of the cliff and look at the amazing view in front of u...
Evening was spent at the shack by the beach called Xaviers..
We drank and chatted till around midnight there.. Beer n beef n the beach can be a heady mix...
Slept at the beach all day next day...

All in all, it was amazing.. the location wasnt new, the stay was in an ordinary place.. but it was the most fun i had in the last year.. I guess its the people you are with that matters :)

Make a wish....

2007-06-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

Its 1 am... I just got back from 4 days of intellectual masturbation in the Philippines....
I sold more soap,,worked my ass off, got drunk... lived the good life...
and life... went on......
As I live the life that I wanted to live all these years.. I stop and wonder...

One more day... one more year...
Is it the way I wanted it?
I guess time will tell

Happy Birthday to me .......

Sigh.......

Mallu Soft Porn - an objective analysis....

2007-06-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

What is more famous about Kerala movies after Mammooty and Mohanlal? .... No prizes for guessing... Mallu porn and specifically Shakeela aunty ! My guess is that about 80% of non mallu youth would not know who Mohanlal or Mammooty looked like, but would have seen at least one Shakeela softporn movie...

What makes mallu porn so unique and popular? The movies have been laughed at, ridiculed and given a pretty "wrong?" image of mallu's sexual preferences. But how come it got so popular, a part of the local culture amongst the Indian youth of our times....

For the uninitiated, mallu softporn boom was from 1999-2003, starting with the launch of a movie called Kinnarathumbikal. Till then , the mallu softporn industry was limited to a couple of sleazy theaters, and did not have any marketing support. There was no script and was just a couple of semi nude girls taking a bath or making out with a couple of old guys.

Kinnarathumbikal did to the mallu softporn industry what Playboy did to the American Girlie magazine industry. They had a different business model. The producer (i dunno who he is) invested in an actual script, they shot the movie using a 70 MM camera, and distributed it across all the major theaters in the state. The storyline was similar to Lolita, Nishabd etc, the only difference being the older person is a lady, played by Shakeela and the young one is a guy.

The movie was unaplogetic about its messaging. For perspective, earlier mallu softporn movies showed sexually explicit movies in the pretense of "sex education" or "wife has a mental problem or husband is in the Gelf" storylines.. The new movie did not make any excuses for what it showed, it was the arrival of the mallu antiheroine a-la Baazigar.

The entire concept and execution was breakthrough. The movie ran for more than 100 days, was a super hit and revived the mallu film industry which was going through the doldrums of "same old thing" movies.

The movie created a revolution of sorts in the mallu film industry. Mallu Softporn became the most famous thing after Lungis and Coconuts.. Shakeela was the most sought after actress, signing up for hundreds of movies in weeks. The industry flourished in the early 2000s and was the manna for thousands of mallu and non mallu men across the world, thanks to the internet and midnight matinee on Surya TV.

Why did Shakeela get so popular? Does it mean that mallu men like "BIG" women? Err.. Im not too sure.. Personally I dont find her anywhere near attractive. However I have to admit she is a very clever businesswoman. She followed the Mithunda model - Do movies by the bulk, charge low premiums, but make high revenues in the process. To be fair, She built a brand for herself not only in Kerala, but also outside. Ask any northie which mallu actress they know of, I can bet my house that they r gonna say Shakeela. Once she realized that the genre started to get limp (no pun intended) she did what all controversial people do. She shifted to "character" acting and she wrote a book. Now howzzat for effective brand management ??

The Mallu Softporn industry's popularity was further compounded due to the really bad quality of mallu mainstream movies in that era. Mohanlal tried to do a Rajni - lift up his lungi, twirl his mustache and say 15 minute monologues which no one could understand.. Mammooty tried to do the same, the popular directors of yester years were struggling with lack of storylines and mallu families started moving out of the cinema halls, with cable TV soaps ganing more and more popularity.

Just like all good ideas die a natural death, so did the mallu softporn industry. The movie Meesha Madhavan, starring Dileep , directed by a newcomer gave a fresh new look to the family movies in the mallu industry and signalled the revival of mainstream cinema in the mallu film world. Shakeela exited at the right time. She had a few successors, but none of them were able to create the "impact" which she was able to , in the short period of time...

All said and done... the Mallu softporn era created quite a lot of controversy and disrepute amongst the general population even now.. however I have to admit that it was a genre similar to the Grindhouse movies which will defenitely find a place in the pages of mallu movie history..

Shakeela Aunty... U are breakthrough yaar...

How they made Spidey 3 (aka Too many cooks...)

2007-05-12T08:07:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a movie called Spiderman... Kids loved him, girls swooned after him and guys came in to see the action. It was a beautiful movie about a lost guy who finds the girl of his dreams but looses a lot along his way.

The movie was made by a guy called Sam Raimi.. critically acclaimed in top magazines and on having been a hair's length away from the Oscar for his masterpiece called Evil Dead, the guy needed a break.. He cracked it with Spidey 1 and managed to repeat it with Spidey 2, albeit sounding a bit too repetitive.. anyways he had all the makings of creating a franchise. Spidey had his own trademarked water bottles, school bags and even condoms with the tagline "As strong as a spidey web"

Flush from the success of these versions were also the superhero himself - Toby Mcquire (hope i spelt him right) and Mary Jane - Kirsten "I always cry" Dunst. As long as the kids, moms and teens loved the webbed guy, our dear corporate honchos were laughing their way to the bank.

However once Spidey 2 was over, our dear friends at Sony realized that the project has to be run more professionally. To increase returns, they must increase investment. However the risks must be mitigated too. They recruited a couple of MBAs from top business schools, a consulting company specializing in ROI maximization and a marketing executive specializing in merchandizing and in-movie product placements. Oh by the way.. with watever was left, they managed to hire a scriptwriter.

The MBAs got to work. Flush with learnings from Stephen Covey and Jack Welch, they decided to conduct a worldwide survey on what consumers need from Spidey 3. Top market research firms were hired for the job. 40% wanted Sandman, 35% wanted venom and 20% wanted green goblin. However the data was inconclusive because it couldnt measure the "Will definitely watch" criteria if any one of the villains were there. The scriptwriter was asked to develop 3 scripts with each villain. One member of top management liked version 1, the other liked version 2. Hence the board decided to combine all 3 scripts and have all 3 villains.

The weakening dollar rate forced the MBAs to look at other countries as singificant future revenue forecast sources. They realized that Indians like song and dance, so they made Kirsten Dunst sing and Toby dance. Each element was forecasted to increase revenues by $ 1 Million from India. They also had a sequence with Kirsten & Toby running around a tree while Green Goblin sings a song composed by Anu Malik in true Devdas style. However the sequence was removed at the last moment because of technical difficulties.

The consultants measured every line in the script to check whether it met predefined success criteria or had a potential of generating incremental revenue for Sony. Each line was put into a complex framework (the 4B framework - Bullshit, Bastardize, Babble and Bombard) to measure the "Strategic Return on Investment score" for the line. Based on these, the scripts were reframed, rearticulated and even removed to fit to the model.

The product placement manager got contracts from millions of firms, So you have toby eat burger king burgers,wear Brand X Y and Z irrespective of the fact that he is very poor. Plans were to brand the spidey suit with logos of Nike, Coca Cola and MTV. Product managers found the equity fit just right. If you look carefully at the spidey suit , you can see the branding.

The corporate managers got the final movie script, after weeks of intellectualization and careful tactical calculation by the highly paid MBAs and the consultants. Everyone had whatever they liked. They looked at the key success criteria: Action, comedy, singing heroine, senti scenes, 3 villains, romance, running around trees, Veeru & Jai and special effects. They ticked the checkboxes with glee, the movie had it all! it was gonna be the biggest release for Sony in this century.

The launch was released with all the necessary and unnecessary hype. Sony decided to test market the movie in Asia first and then decide on the right marketing mix model before launching in the US. Yet another marketing breakthrough from the corporate honchos of the media companies...

What has happened is definitely worth seeing.... especially for us "strategic managers" who tend to look at everything at the end of an excel sheet as the word of God. Spidey 3 is definitely a must watch guys,, and not for the script....

All incidences in the storyline are purely fictional from the imagination of a disgruntled author who watched the movie first day first show. However the author is quite sure that what could have happened could be very similar to what was mentioned here...

If anyone knows Stan Lee, please tell him not to watch the movie. He is an old guy, God knows if he will be able to handle it...